I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
Then you’d know what a drag it is
To see you    – Bob Dylan

I’m sure we all have seen someone who combs ten inches of hair over a wide, shiny bald dome and actually thinks he is hiding something. This hopeless cover-up is similar to whatever we think we are hiding that in reality everyone sees. The problem is, most people, out of common courtesy or more likely fear of embarrassment, don’t tell us what they see. Like talking to someone with bad breath or food on their face, they let us go on to offend or amuse some other unsuspecting soul. The first thing about standing in someone else’s shoes is that you see yourself for the first time without all your blind spots and cover-ups. You see what everyone else sees all the time.

It’s virtually impossible to get another view of yourself by yourself. Just like we need at least two mirrors to see the angles most other people see of us, we need other people to tell us who we really are. People can serve as our character mirrors, and we need to be vulnerable to what they tell us. My wife and children think I look silly when I get mad. My anger obviously is not having the effect on them that I envision. I think they should be cowering, and they are laughing. I interpret their laughter as disrespect, when, if I could really see myself — if I could stand inside heir shoes — I might laugh too.

We need to have people around us who can tell us the truth. This is one of the most valuable elements of the recovery group model. By simply showing up at a meeting you are forced to encounter a different view of yourself than you have been holding most or all of your life. In a recovery group, you are putting yourself among people whom you might have formerly judged as lower than yourself. This is why showing up is the hardest part. You walk into a room full of individuals who all have a problem, and you immediately say to yourself, “I don’t belong here. I’m not really this bad. These are the people who have hit bottom and have nowhere else to go. Me… I’m different. I’m only experimenting with this. I’m just checking it out; I won’t need to be here long. After all, these are all old bald guys.”

If I use two mirrors, I can see the bald spot on the back of my head that I normally can’t see, and it looks to me to be the size of a football field.

For an honest look at yourself, join our Teleconference Bible study tonight at 7 pm PDT (10 pm EDT). Dial 218/237-3840 and use access code: 124393.