Many, if not all of our Catch readers have been stunned this weekend by the tragic news of Rick Warren’s 27-year-old son, Matthew, taking his own life last Friday morning. As a father of three, I cannot think of anything worse for a parent to have to experience. Matthew’s lifelong struggle with depression gives this sad event some context, but it does not begin to answer the why questions that rush to everyone’s mind at such a time.
I think it is best that we resist either the rush to judgment or the need to speculate why God could have allowed such a thing to happen. The point is not to be God or act as anyone’s press secretary, but to mourn this young man’s death, and grieve with Rick and Kay over their loss. Someone we love has lost a beloved son. He was a compassionate and caring young man who was quick to spot the secret pain of someone else because of his own that he carried most of his life.
No one is exempt from life’s worst. We give and we take. One day we are strong for someone else, the next day we need them to be strong for us. Doesn’t matter if you are a pastor, CEO, clerk or bottle washer, you will be, on any given day, on either side of the need equation, and most days, on both.
In a letter to his staff Rick wrote, “Over the past 33 years we’ve been together through every kind of crisis. Kay and I’ve been privileged to hold your hands as you faced a crisis or loss, stand with you at gravesides, and prayed for you when ill. Today, we need your prayer for us.” That pretty much says it all.
Tom Holladay, teaching pastor at Saddleback Church and Rick’s brother-in-law delivered the message Sunday that Rick was to deliver. In what turned out to be poignantly prophetic, Rick had planned on Sunday’s sermon to be on surviving your worst day. Little did he know that before he could ever bring that message, he would have to survive his.
John Fischer The Catch 
Thank you John, really good words!
Major depression kills like other serious diseases. Except sometimes it kills by distorting our thought process and increase emotional pain to such a degree that suicide seem to be the only way out. It can be so severe that there seem to be an invisible ceiling between oneself and God.
None of us are immune to major clinical depression as it affects significantly one’s own brain’s chemistry which affects our emotion and thinking and energy. We take our brain, which God created, for granted. Just the fact that our brain works most of the time is a miracle in itself every moment if one examine the complexity of the brain and we still know so little.
There is a documentary of suicide and the faith base community at http://www.fiercegoodbye.com/. Also NAMI has a faith base resource area call Faithnet.
May Rick and his family be comforted by our God, by our God who weeps and suffer with us. May all of of us be comforted by the shortest verse in the Bible, “Jesus wept”
It rains on all of us at any moment, whether believers, wealthy, poor, sick, healthy. This is always a sad moment for anyone who is human. Praying for rays of sun and love to come thru God and whoever He uses in this situation directly.
One of the best books I ever checked out of the library, was called: WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE? The title caught my eye. The book is written by a rabbi, who interestingly enough, survived the loss of a child, also. The answer to that question, is just as KFD&P (above) states–WHY NOT?! Good and bad things happen to us all! It makes us human and hopefully, more sympathetic to the plight of our neighbors.
Well said John – thank you for your message today (and your ministry)
Amen John. Matthew was a sweet, caring, loving person. Every time I remember him a smile comes to my face. My heart breaks for his family. This could happen to any of us.
So beautiful, John. Thank you for your sensitivity.
I don’t question why God took Rick’s son, but what I do question is why there was not SOMEONE in this young man’s life that he could turn to for help. I have lost two people in my family to suicide: the son of a first cousin, who took his own life in high school as a means of punishing his father for not spending time with him; and a first cousin who was struggling with some kind of illness. The second is interesting because my cousin was a fan of Ernest Hemingway and took his own life at exactly the same age and in exactly the same way as Hemingway – 62 and by blowing his head off. Hemingway had also been struggling with an illness.
My feeling is that both deaths were senseless and that if SOMEONE had been in these two people’s lives, a better, alternative path could have been found. We have developed a culture where it is easy for people to isolate, even in a crowded church like Rick Warren’s. We need to watch out for each other. We need to recognize the people that God has put in our lives that we are responsible for. We need constantly to be communicating with them and be able to recognize when something is wrong or when things are not going in a good direction.
I feel that our selfishness with be our ultimate demise, both individually and as a people. Our selfishness tells us that if we are getting our needs met, then all is well with the world and there is nothing left to think about. But that is not true. Contrary to Cain’s response to God in Genesis, we ARE our brother’s keeper. We are responsible for certain individuals, just as a shepherd is responsible for his sheep. And when one of them goes astray, we are RESPONSIBLE for leaving the ones that are safe and going after the one that is not.
We are responsible. No man is an island.
Oh my gosh there is some truth to this I agree but not when it comes to this young man you are making assumptions here. I understand that you have had some experience with sucide. I have personal experience with chemical imbalance and my immediate family. To say that Mathew was not listened to is a big leap. Patients with this very hurtfull disease can be very adept at hiding how they are really doing.Our culture in America is one of shame and assumptions and self diagnosis when it comes to this issue. I once sat in on classes that Kay Warren taught two years ago and she was un flenching when it came to helping people understand what this disease does to all the family members and familys who have been dealing with this long term know how hard it is to get the loved one at times to be honest about where they are really at and because of the nature of the brain not working right there are many times when the patient thinks they are doing fine when in a split second they are off the deep end doing what they themselves did not expect.I wish with all my heart it was that easy. There is not an easy answer to this but heaping on shame is not the answer. Shame is the last thing that works in this disorder and in the United States of America mental illnes is a shame filled dirty word. We would do well to change that perception as to open up open dialog to make it easier for those affected by this hideous illness to talk to others not be shamed for not being able to fix what’s wrong with them.
Waitsel, I find your comment hurtful and judgemental. Rick Warren stated numerous times that despite all the medical help and medications etc. their son had an ongoing problem with depression. You cannot possibly believe for one moment that Rick and Kay did not see what was going on and try to help. You cannot possibly believe they were selfish. AND no one but God knows why Mathew chose to leave this world when he did. Open your heart and think kindly of the Warrens who are suffering beyond words ….you never know when it will come around to you.
Thank you,John. You have a wonderful way of putting things in their right perspective. God bless.
I really appreciated your words, John. Only those who have actually experienced depression or walked the journey with a close loved one who has can truly understand a small portion of the mystery of this illness.
A time like this is not the time to answer all the questions or to say what should have been done BUT a time to comfort those whose hearts are breaking! This is what Jesus would do!!
Not that it makes the Warrens grief any easier. But I like what I posted for Easter. “Do bad things happen to good people? Only happened once, and He Volunteered.” – RC Sproul
We know hoow they feel. Fifteen years ago our handsome redheaded son took his life a few weeks before his 43rd birthday. He had battled the demon of alcholism. He too, was one who was sensitive to others pain. We miss him.
I have know idea how one gets through this but speculation and what if’s from outsiders are not helpful. I googled about it and was sick to read what I found. May they find peace in spite of the media frenzy. appreciate Daniel’s comment.
Thankyou for this comment. After recieving the letter Pastor Rick sent to our members I started to cry my eyes out. My family has had it’s share of heart ache when it comes to this issue and Kay and Rick were very hard working parents having tried every thing in God power to see their child healed. We would be so encouraged to have others just walk in our shoes and say nothing as Jobs friends did for seven days. Pray and pray some more and then just pray comfort. This is such a hard hard thing to deal with. Just please pray.