Step 6. Are ready to have God remove all these defects of attitude and character.

If this doesn’t hurt, it’s probably not happening.

What does it take for God to remove these defects in attitude or character? It takes a lot, because we have undoubtedly gotten very comfortable with them. We’ve been self-medicating for years. These are the judgments, rationalizations, accusations, manipulations and put-downs we have relied on most of our lives. They are the equalizers by which we try to make up for our own deficiencies in character by putting others down. We are constantly evening the moral score with other people. As long as God grades on the curve we’ll probably be okay, because everyone else is so messed up (and aren’t we glad when we find that out!).

Something this well-entrenched doesn’t go away easily. That’s why God has to remove these things. We can’t do it ourselves. We often present this as something relatively easy to do. Just hand these things over to God; that’s all you need to do. Not. A child handing over his security blanket would have been closer to it. (See Step Three.) As soon as you let it out of your sight, you want it back.

In the chronicles of Narnia, greed, selfishness and pride turned Eustace into a dragon, and to get back to himself meant a painful process of God tearing away his dragon skin. Nothing is easy to lose when it’s become a part of you. That’s why you can’t just hand it over. God has to do the work and it is more like major surgery. That’s why if it didn’t hurt to lose that thing you were addicted to, it probably didn’t happen.

I have known for a long time that I have a passive-aggressive personality and what kind of damage I have done to those around me as a result. I don’t just go to one meeting and get rid of this. This is like dragon skin; it doesn’t come off without great pain, and I don’t think God has made an anesthetic for this.

Passive-aggressive people have anger and resentment toward those who we think have put us in the spot we are in. It’s how we equalize our lack of personal responsibility, blame others for our predicament, and then secretly harbor hostility towards them in our hearts. Sooner or later that hostility surfaces in harmful and hurtful ways. Over time, we become very good at this to where we don’t even know we’re doing it. How do you get rid of this? Do you just hand it over? Chances are, we can’t even find it. We have to have God rip it from us and it’s not going to feel very good.

This step says we are ready to have this done. I’ve had a few surgeries and there is always a pre-op session with the doctor before the actual surgery so you know what to expect. This step is like a pre-op session. We’re telling God, “Go ahead, Lord. Get to work on me. I’m ready to be done with this. Whatever it takes, I want to be rid of it.”

We have to be tired of this first. We want to have these defects in our attitude and character removed. We want God to do the work.  

But the people’s minds were hardened, and to this day whenever the old covenant is being read, the same veil covers their minds so they cannot understand the truth. And this veil can be removed only by believing in Christ. Yes, even today when they read Moses’ writings, their hearts are covered with that veil, and they do not understand. But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. (2 Corinthians 3:14-16)

The veil is what we cover-up our inadequacy with. It can be anything we hide behind, and that’s why it’s like an addiction. An addiction is a false sense of adequacy. We think we are coping with life but like an alcoholic, we’re usually the only one who thinks so. Turning to the Lord strips us of anything we depend on other than Him. It’s what makes us transparent and vulnerable. And when the veil is gone, then others can see the Lord

And like an alcoholic, this is not a one-time deal. A character flaw like passive-aggressiveness that has been with you most of your life doesn’t just disappear overnight. It’s a way of life, learning to live without that veil all the time. Learning to live in a vulnerable way. Learning to let God do His surgery. We all could use regular meetings at Veildom Anonymous.