The Key

If my reach doesn’t go beyond my grasp

Then what’s a heaven for, and for what do I ask?

– John Fischer from the song “Too Many Teachers” (Based on a Quote by Robert Browning)

Shortly before my father’s passing, he and I met in Branson, Missouri, the entertainment capitol of the world, to attend the shows of some of his favorite singers. It was a rare opportunity to be alone with my dad on what turned out to be one of our last significant times together. I was never very close to my father so I was hoping to make something memorable happen. Marti helped me out with this by telling me, as I walked out the door, “Don’t forget to get the key from him before he dies.”

“The key? What key?”

“He’ll know,” she said. “Just ask him for the key.”

“The key,” I kept repeating. What is she talking about? Had she and my dad already had a conversation about this? Marti has been right before on things like this. She has a spiritual intuition that is uncanny. So when the time was right during one of our dinners out, I took the leap and posed the question. “Marti told me to be sure and get the key from you, and she said you would know what she meant.” He seemed puzzled at first, but after a long pause, during which I was getting more and more nervous, he proceeded to tell me a story that wasn’t at all what I was expecting. I thought he was going to give me something that would unlock greatness. Instead, he gave me a picture of the opposite — what would keep me from greatness. He gave me a picture of what would keep me small and stuck in complacency. It certainly had done so for him. And now, he was passing it on to me?

It took some time, but I finally got why he felt it was the key Marti was talking about. He was saying, though he had no words for it, that unless I figured out how to get beyond this, I would be doomed to the small, predictable, controllable existence he had experienced all his life. It was the key alright. It was the key out.

The story was a story about his father (my grandfather) who had a nervous breakdown, and when my father went to see him in the hospital, he caught him sitting up in bed drawing circles in the air. His hands would go round and round in ever enlarging circles until the circle was so big, his arms wouldn’t reach any farther and then, devastated — as if he were having a nervous breakdown all over again — he would collapse into a ball and then start over with a small circle, and do it all over again hoping for a different result that never came. That was it. That was my key. I asked if there was any more to the story or could he explain its significance to me, he had nothing more to say.

As I said, it’s taken me a while to fully grasp this, but I now see it as a picture of what kept his father and himself small, because they both bought into it, and it will do the same thing for me if I follow in their footsteps — indeed I can see its influence even now all over my life. Stay in your comfort zone. Keep your existence within the parameters of what you are sure you can control. Don’t reach any further than what you can grasp. You may see something desirable out beyond your reach, but don’t go for it; stay back with what you know and what is comfortable and safe. Reach too far, and you’ll end up like my grandfather.

That is the key. But it’s the key out. Do I want to live (safe and comfortable) or is that exactly the way I don’t want to live? To be sure, my life is a constant battle between these perspectives. Do I stay where it’s comfortable where my mind ticks off one excuse or objection after another, or step out beyond my control and act boldly from my heart? The heart is the key. This brief illustration is a case in point.

Recently, Chandler and I had a disagreement and when we reached an impasse, Chandler did what he often does in situations like these — he walked away. Now I hate confrontations, and my mind was going through many options — walk away myself, pick it up later, ignore it, sweep it under the rug — all of which involved disengaging because that was the most comfortable for me, too, and I’ve done it way too many times. But suddenly there was another voice, and I believe it was the voice of God speaking to my heart, “Go give him a hug and tell him you love him.” Now that struck like an arrow through my heart and I knew it was right, but I was scared, too. What if he rejects me? What if he doesn’t like me? What if he shuns me or pushes me away? That’s what happens if I live in my head. But the Lord through my heart told me, “You know that you love him. Go hug him and tell him that.”All the objections and limitations were in my head. The answer was in my heart.

We will never experience what we are capable of without reaching beyond our comfort zone. What keeps me within my comfort zone is what keeps me small and complacent. And sure enough, I can see this key my father gave me as a powerful force within my life. It’s been building for three generations. Am I going to use it as a key in or a key out?

What about you? Do you see these forces at work in your own life?

The following questions will help you dig deeper into this. We don’t want to just nod our heads here, we want to step outside the circle of control and put our faith that comes from the Holy Spirit in our hearts into action. I hope you decide you will join me in finding out for what reason God has us on planet earth for such a time as this.