Returning Respect to the Women in My Life — Part 5

For years, a voice lived in my head that would not let me rest.
It said I wasn’t enough.
It replayed every mistake.
It whispered I was failing — as a husband, a father, a man.
And I believed it.

The louder that voice grew, the quieter I became. I stopped speaking up. I stopped reaching out. Instead of offering love, I withheld it. Instead of showing respect, I withdrew. The lies in my head shaped how I lived. My silence spoke louder than any words could.

How Shame Works — and Why It Lives in the Head

Shame thrives in the mind.

It replays failures on a loop. It turns small stumbles into impossible barriers. It convinces you you’re unworthy of love, forgiveness, or respect.

When you live from that place — from your head rather than your heart — everything becomes distorted. I couldn’t give respect freely because I didn’t feel worthy of it. I couldn’t honor the women in my life because I hadn’t let God’s honor reach me. Shame doesn’t just wound the man who carries it — it wounds everyone close to him.

The World Has No Hold on a Crucified Man

Paul put it bluntly: “May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” — Galatians 6:14

This is not mere theology. It is freedom. The cross is where shame goes to die. The world’s system — where we perform, impress, dominate, earn — no longer defines me. I am no longer bargaining with shame to earn respect. I am dead to that world. It is dead to me.

Grace does not polish the image. Grace puts the old self in the ground and raises someone new.

What the Heart Knows

The head keeps score. The heart receives grace. The head condemns. The heart listens to the Spirit.

“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)

That isn’t just good news — it is the only news that can silence shame.

When I finally believed what God says about me — You are my son. You are forgiven. You are loved — it changed the way I showed up. I no longer needed to earn respect to give it. I no longer needed to prove myself to engage. I didn’t need to be perfect to be present. I could lead from the heart instead of from the head.

My Confession — and My Promise

Here is my confession: I let shame control me. I let silence define me. I believed lies that twisted how I saw myself and how I treated others.

Here is my promise: shame is no longer the loudest voice in my life. I boast only in the cross — not in what I’ve done or what I haven’t. I listen to the Spirit in my heart and let grace shape how I speak, lead, and love.

Why This Matters — And How the Heart Changes the Story

When I live from my head, I pass the weight of shame on to the women in my life. I lash out, I retreat, I go cold. I leave Marti — and other women I love — to carry the pain of absence, indifference, and disrespect. I see them only when I need something from them.

When God’s Word is written within the heart, the pattern breaks. The Spirit brings real transformation. The downside? The Holy Spirit’s work often requires slow, uncomfortable things: deep reflection, and surrender. Those practices feel risky to a man trained to want structure and predictable outcomes. Reflection reveals we are less than our head insists we be. Surrender invites vulnerability that is mysterious and risky.

And yet — when I operate from the heart, everything changes. I stop performing and become present. Fear of failure unravels. Social expectations lose their grip. Shame no longer dictates the story because Christ does. Grace gives me a voice. With that voice, I speak truth, offer love, and restore the respect that was there all along.

My head provides learning. My heart, quickened by the Holy Spirit, provides life. The mind can study the truth all it likes, but only the Spirit-led heart will live it. That is the difference between mere belief and a dynamic, lived-out faith.

Shame no longer silences me because grace gives me a voice. With that voice I reach out. I genuinely care. I give freely. My heart is being made new by the Spirit. Guilt, fear, and obligation lose their power. Shame is silenced because Christ defines the story.

That is the work I want to keep doing — for myself, for Marti, for every woman I have hurt by my silence. May the cross be my only boast, and may the Spirit keep shaping me, heart by heart, day by day.