John Fischer The Catch

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,

    and lead me along the path of everlasting life. (Psalm 139:23-24)

Let us test and examine our ways.

    Let us turn back to the Lord. (Lamentations 3:40)

You should examine yourself before eating the bread and drinking the cup. (1 Corinthians 11:28)

Seeing the scriptures printed above, is there any question as to whether this moral inventory step is something that is important to God? Like all the steps, however they are worded, this one is biblically sound. Self-examination is mentioned at least by David and Jeremiah in the Old Testament, and Paul in the New.  And it is important to include a warning here. As Jens Christy, Recovery Pastor at Capo Beach Church and guest on our BlogTalkRadio show last night taught us, we probably know less about ourselves than anybody. Why is that? Because we have a tendency to bury our sins, addictions and poor choices deeply underneath shovels full of denial, blame, rationalizations and justifications. We see other’s sins before we see our own. That’s why Jesus told us not to judge, because we will most likely be judging what we are guilty of.

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4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

This is a difficult step but there are a number of things that will make it a lot easier. One of those I want to talk about today is one of those things that makes the AA environment for change more suitable than your typical church environment. In AA, this kind of moral assessment is going on all the time. You’re not the odd man out when you come up with damaging realities on your moral inventory list. No one’s going to go, “You did what? Well at least I haven’t dropped that far!” No, it’s quite the opposite. More like, “That’s nothing. Wait until you hear what I did.” It’s an exercise in “one-downmanship” instead of one-upmanship.

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4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Now we’re getting personal. This is where we get at the flaws in our character — our sins and our excuses, rationalizations and justifications for them. This is where we get all the negative stuff about ourselves out on the table and figure out what to do with it. It sounds scary, and it is scary, but it is also freeing. It will ultimately involve others, but right now, it’s yourself, paper and a pen.

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Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

It’s all about control. So far I have been in control of my own life and I have already admitted that I have been doing a lousy job of it. It’s my own control that has gotten me into the addictions I rely on because I’m not meeting expectations. Whatever I am addicted to is what helps me cope with what I can’t manage. It’s the way I maintain a facade of adequacy. My addiction is whatever makes me feel strong when in fact I am weak and miserable, tired and alone. I don’t have enough fingers to plug all the holes in my life. My addiction is the way I cope with this discrepancy and the false sense of control I hide behind. The thing that has gotten me in the door of the twelve step program is the realization that this pattern of control and cover-up I just described is hurting me and those around me, yet in spite of knowing that, I refuse to face into any of it. I’ve always managed this way and I’m going to continue to manage this way regardless. Like a child with his whoopee blanket, I’m going to hold onto this addictive pattern of mismanagement as long as I possibly can.

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Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

My son, my son, why are you striving

You can’t add one thing to what’s been done for you

I did it all while I was dying

Rest in your faith, my peace will come to you

                  – Keith Green

Here’s where you give up and find out that was what you were supposed to do all along. The thing you were trying so hard to avoid was the thing that would take you to where you want to be. At the bottom of the pit of failure is the doorway to grace and peace.

Spiritual growth runs counter to human nature. That’s why it takes so long for us to come to what should be a simple conclusion: We don’t have what it takes for life without God. But we want to be adequate. We want to solve the riddle. We want to scale heights. We want to achieve. All well and good, except that we cannot.

Hope is disguised in the failure. Access to God is through the basement. Around here we call this the new covenant — everything from God and nothing from us. It’s just that “nothing from us” part that gives us trouble. We often have to try everything before we come to nothing.

About now some of you may be thinking, “Aren’t we kidding ourselves that the AA Twelve Steps could apply to those of us who are not alcoholics? Aren’t the twelve steps for those who have hit bottom — whose lives and relationships are in shambles and they can barely get themselves in the door for the meeting?” Well, I don’t think that describes everybody at an AA meeting, because you don’t have to hit bottom to know you’re a failure. Actually, the next step, Step 4, should apply  here. Who, after taking a complete moral inventory of their life, is going to come off looking like they can skip that step? Me, I’m not looking forward to finding out what Step 4 is going to show me — the denials, the excuses, the rationalizations, the procrastinations, the sins, the cover-up, etc.. We’ve all got enough garbage to qualify for waste management.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Right now, I want us to all know that we can trust God with our lives. Stop trying to do it yourself and turn your will and your life over to God — even God as we understand Him — because we are coming to understand Him more every day.

Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

We are — all of us — living a life that involves a good deal of pain and struggle. Some of it we caused — some of it we didn’t — it doesn’t seem to matter. Given, some struggles seem small and insignificant compared to others, but any difficulty or hardship can be huge if it’s yours. It’s all relative. Shall we get our stories together so we can figure out who has the worst life? That would be a waste of time. A struggle is a struggle. My little battle with the Catch yesterday brought out a number of comments, I’m sure, because it connected with a number of you and you felt compelled to write. Whenever I write about something difficult I’m going through, be it Chandler’s treatment or my issues with parenting, it seems like a whole bunch of you come out of the woodwork and start telling your stories.

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Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

“My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.” Matthew 26:39

So I had the Catch all ready to go out about four hours ago, but I didn’t like it. It was boring. It had some great teaching in it, but nothing from our lives, which is what we’re supposed to be about here — “connecting life to faith” — and what Marti tells me is the best thing about my writing. So now I was faced with a dilemma: either the Catch is going to be late, and my plans for the day will have to be altered, or I send it out, bore you all to death, and go on with my business.

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