Are your arms too short to bless your wife?

Posted on October 9, 2014 by jwfisch

th-19It all started last week when Marti saw a Godvine video about changing a woman’s inner voices from low self-esteem to messages of worth and value. Marti was so moved by what some simple encouragement and appreciation could do in a woman’s life, she got an idea. Why not challenge the men in our community to change their wives’ inner voices by making a simple video of themselves praising their wives — turning their wives’ smart phones into  “mirrors” that will give back positive messages of worth and affirmation. When she put the challenge to social media it was enthusiastically received, going viral in no time. Thousands of people liked the challenge; the only problem was that no one did anything about it, including me. No one took the challenge.

Apparently everyone loves the idea (mostly women, I would guess) but no one wants to do it (mostly men). What the matter guys? Are our arms too short for a selfie? Are we camera shy? Is it hard for a guy to hold up a smart phone and talk into it, or is the hard part publicly affirming your wife? Are our arms too short to bless our wives? I decided to find out by doing this myself, and it wasn’t easy. It took several attempts before I got something I could use — something I wouldn’t mind her, or you, seeing.

Why is this so hard?

Is it because my affirmation will be suspicious since she lives with me and I don’t do this all the time? Is it because I don’t know what to say? Is it because it shows up what I’ve not been doing?

For instance, I’ve found out that it’s universally hard for men to pray with their wives. I wonder if it’s the same answer — our wives know us so well, we can’t fool them with some kind of fake spirituality. To be in front of the Lord and your wife at the same time is scary business. No more of those half-hearted muttering prayers that go on in your head and drift off into nothingness. This is right here and now. This is God and your wife you’re in front of. You can’t fool either. You might think you can fool God, but that’s only in your mind. When you pray before your wife you find out where you’re really at as far as God is concerned.

Maybe that’s the value of Marti’s ideas here. Certainly it is to benefit the women, but it’s also going to force some level of honesty into our relationships. There is a certain transparency required when going before the Lord in the company of someone who knows you so well. Maybe we could render 2 Corinthians 3 this way: “When a man turns to the Lord (in front of his wife) the veil is taken away.”

If I’m anywhere close, this is serious, and requires some action on the part of the men in our community. The kingdom of God begins with us, and our closest relationships. It has to first work here if it’s going to also work out in the world. I’m going to reissue this challenge, if only for the benefit of our marriages. I’m not asking you to send us your video, unless, of course, you want to. But a comment that you did it would be great.  Just use it between the two of you as a means of altering those inner voices, and an opportunity to turn towards the Lord. Bye, bye veil!

Click here to see the result of my attempts at a video for Marti.

Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. (Proverbs 31:28)

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Sports and religion

Posted on October 8, 2014 by jwfisch

th-18I first want to thank all of you who responded to Monday’s Catch with your kind condolences over the Angels’ elimination from the playoffs. And to those, like my wife, who think this is way too much attention to pay to a stupid game, I will point out that God made us this way. He made us all gamers to a certain extent. Competitiveness is part of human nature. Paul talks about runners running races to receive a prize as something that is simply a part of life. Sports are a legitimate escape from the difficult realities of life, and, like any other form of entertainment, they give us a break from the daily “grind.”

Even more so, I believe games are a way of seeing life and learning things about ourselves we might not see any other way. I happen to think baseball is the sport that is richest in these real-life takeaways — principles we see in the microcosm of a game that apply to the much bigger arenas of our existence. Why else would there be so much literature on baseball (I once heard that it is over twice that of any other sport).

As my good friend Michael O’Connor wrote in the opening sentences of Sermon on the Mound, his own contribution to that treasure trove of baseball literature, “I believe in two things. God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Creator of heaven and earth, the beginning and the end, the Alpha and Omega, the one and only Source from which all life flows — and baseball. Everything else is just sports and religion.”

So many of you wrote to me in order to ease my pain. Many commiserated over the disappointment they share over their own local teams, the Montreal Canadiens, the Edmonton Oilers, the Detroit Tigers (at least this year), the Carolina Tar Heels, and those perennial wait-until-next-year Chicago Cubbies.

I conclude today’s thoughts with a quote from John, a Philadelphia Phillies fan:

The Royals are clearly catching “fire in the bottle.” So, John, listen to your dear wife and just move on. At least your team made the playoffs. Mine ended up in last place for the second year in a row. And, at least both of our teams have won it all in recent years. Thank the Lord we’re not Cubs fans!
 
I will pray that your time of mourning comes to an end – soon.
 
In all seriousness – thanks for the good laugh today!

And that’s really what this is: a good laugh, with some real life surprises thrown in. You can find God at work in anything, if you take the time to look.

Will we ever know how complex and delicate these lines are with which He holds us and our faith together and draws us to Him? What are these ties that bind? Will we ever get to the end of them?  — from my Foreword to Michael’s book

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Love like God

Posted on October 7, 2014 by jwfisch

th-17You’ll know you’re loving like God when you start loving people you don’t like and hurting for those you do.

The way this usually works out is to feel that God doesn’t love anyone I don’t love, and the human inclination is to not love anyone who is not like me. But that makes God’s love an extension of myself, instead of the way it should be, with me as an extension of God and His love. I have much to learn about God’s love. God is love; I am not. I am the one who needs to change. I am the one who needs to learn to love like God.

If you love like God, you will be loving peopled you don’t like, and you will be hurting for those won’t accept this love.

“God is love” (1 John 4:16), says John. God is synonymous with love. How could God not love His entire creation? It is His nature to love.

“God so loved the world that He gave…” (John 3:16).

The tragedy of God’s love is that it is not universally received. “He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him” (John 1:11).  What a tragedy. Do you think God feels that tragedy? Personally, I think that is why the prophet Isaiah called the Messiah a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. That is why Jesus wept over Jerusalem, because He wanted to gather everyone up and bring them to Himself, but they would not all come.

How is it that God, being God, would create a world where His love would be limited by the free will of those He created, making Him appear helpless to do anything about those who would reject Him? I honestly do not know how this works, but I do know God feels these feelings, because He has expressed His love in human terms in the inspired scriptures handed down to us.

My point today is not to enter into a theological debate over this, because that is where these discussions often lead, but to capture some of the nature of God in His love for us, and suggest that we should at least share in these same attitudes and emotions; primarily that we should be governed more by the tragedy of those who reject God’s love than in their judgment or their wrongdoing.

Do we weep or do we condemn? If you ever catch yourself shaking your head in judgment and condemnation, stop. Stop judging and weep instead. That’s what God did, and He even has the right to judge (and will do so someday). The cross has put that judgment aside so that He can love. Can we do any less?

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John in mourning

Posted on October 6, 2014 by jwfisch

th-16By Marti Fischer

John has gone into mourning over the Angels’ elimination from the playoffs by the Kansas City Royals yesterday, so I am writing the Catch for him this morning while he tries to equalize his emotions. It’s much like a death, and John is in the Denial and Isolation stage where he is trying to convince himself and everyone around him that he doesn’t really care. He’s followed just about every out of every game this season from being present at spring training to yesterday’s loss, and he’s now saying he’s glad it’s over; it’s been taking too much of his attention. Funny, that wasn’t the case yesterday, or the day before that, or the day before that…

He’s already started to exhibit evidence of entering the Anger stage — mumbling something about Hamilton batting .000 and why didn’t Mike Scioscia play the young, eager Collin Cowgill instead. “They would have won at least one of the first two games if Cowgill was in left field,” he told me more than once. Then he went on muttering something about Scioscia saying it was worth playing Josh out now “to see where it’s going to lead.”

“It’s not like you’ve got the rest of the season to see where this is going to lead!” John screamed when he read that. “I can tell you where it’s going to lead; it’s going to lead to losing, that’s where!”

“Calm down, it’s just a game,” I tried to tell him.

“Yeah,” he returned, “just the last game of the season!”

So, John is now caught somewhere between Denial and Anger, with a little of the third stage, Bargaining, thrown in: “If they hadn’t played Hamilton…” So that leaves Depression and Acceptance as the last two emotions, and since we are moving through these fairly fast, I think we’ll have him back by tomorrow. The Depression has definitely set in this morning. In lieu of flowers, you may send your condolences by replying to this email.

My final attempt to snap him out of it will be to remind him of his own lyrics:

Losin’ is winnin’ if it turns you around;
It all looks clearer when you’re close to the ground.
If you know you’re lost, then you can be found,
And you walk out, a winner.

In Ernest Thayer’s classic poem, “Casey at the Bat,” the phrase “hope which springs eternal in the human breast,” means that we have to start this all over again in four months. But for now, we must conclude,

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville — mighty Casey has struck out.

P.S. Congratulations to all our Kansas City fans! We hope you go all the way!

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Doing what you ‘could’ do

Posted on October 3, 2014 by jwfisch

th-15When teams that could win face teams that should win, what usually happens? The teams that could win, win. That’s because they are playing with something extra. They are already above expectations just to be in the same arena with the team that should win, so they have nothing to lose.

Teams that could win are usually pretty loose for that reason. They’re already beyond expectations, and thinking, “Might as well keep going with this and see where it takes us.” Teams that should win are usually pretty uptight because of the expectations they bring with them. They have more to lose.

Faith is all about what you could do and be. It takes you beyond expectations, because it puts you in the realm of the Spirit where anything can happen. Faith takes you out beyond yourself.

Jesus once said that those who expect to please God through what they do already have their reward. They lived up to their expectations. They did what they should do. Good for them. But what a boring life. You either live up to expectations or you fall short. Either way it’s no real prize. Those who live by faith do better. Their faith takes them beyond themselves — what Paul calls beyond what you could ask, think or even imagine. Jesus says these will reap eternal rewards far greater.

What you could do is all about grace, surprise, destiny and heart. It’s about seeing dreams come true. It’s about being bigger than who you thought you were. What you could do puts you in the realm of grace and mercy, out beyond what you deserve.

What you should do is all about law, living up to expectations and getting what you deserve. Under the law you usually end up smaller than what you thought you were because the law always wins. (“I Fought the Law and the Law Won.”) Either you fail to meet your expectations, or you lower them to something you can do; either way you end up lower than where you started.

Like Brennan Manning used to say when he quoted one of his favorite nuns, “I will not ‘should’ on myself today.”

But if you “could” on yourself today, think of what you could do in the power of Christ.

I don’t know about you, but I really need this today. I need to be a “could do” person. I’m living in a very small space right now ruled by my own “should do” expectations. I’m living with what I can control and I’m staying small because of it. Doing what you know you should do is limiting. Doing what you could do is enlarging. Who knows how big that could get?

None of this bodes well for my Angels, who looked last night like they were thinking about what they should do most of the night. The Royals are already in the realm of what they could do, and looking, at least right now, like a team of destiny. The only hope for the Angels is if they stop thinking of what they should do and go back to thinking about what they could do — the kind of thinking that put them on a tear the last month of the season. It’s all about your mind set.

How about you? Are you thinking of what you should do today, or are you thinking of what you could do? What you think makes all the difference because it determines what (or whom) you are counting on.

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‘Could’ over ‘should’

Posted on October 2, 2014 by jwfisch

th-14The Los Angeles Angels start their American League Division Series against the Kansas City Royals tonight, and after seeing the Royals beat the Oakland Athletics in an amazing wild card playoff game Tuesday, I must admit I’m a little bit worried. The Royals are a scrappy team (stole six bases in that game) that no one expected to be in the postseason, who now believe they can do anything after coming back twice to tie that game and finally win it in the 12th inning.

When the Angels won the World Series in 2002, they were the wild card team that beat the highly favored New York Yankees in the first round of playoff games. The Yankees had the best record in baseball that year. The Yankees had everything to lose, and they did. This year the roles are reversed. The Angels are the team with star players and the best record in baseball going up against a no-name team from out of nowhere with a big boost of confidence.

It’s the believers against the assumers. I would normally pick the believers except that this time they’re going up against my team, and if my team starts assuming wins, they are in big trouble. If they start looking past the Royals to the World Series, they will get tripped up before they ever get rolling.

Look at Oakland. They were the team in first place with the best record all season until the last month when they hit the skids. They suddenly weren’t sure they believed. They may  have thought they didn’t have to. Whatever they had all season would carry them into the postseason. Not the case. Even in that wild card game, they were up 7-4 in the 8th inning, and there were close-ups of some pretty confident faces in the Oakland dugout before the Royals started scoring in that inning. Their whole season actually fit into that one game. They took the lead early and held it most of the way, and just when they started to think they had it in the bag, they fell apart. It was theirs to lose, and they did.

The team with nothing to lose usually beats the team with everything to lose.

As a Christian, I identify more with “the little team that could” than the one that should. Belief, not supposition, needs to carry the day. The Gospel of Welcome is for the no-names who are not counting on themselves but are counting on Christ. The Gospel of Welcome is for sinners, not saints. It’s for the unexpected — those who were not invited to the party until the ones who were invited decided not to come, and the host threw the doors open for everybody.

Yes … I would usually pick the fighting, clawing, no-name believers against the highly favored ones. It’s just that this time, I hope I’m wrong!

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Strangers or angels?

Posted on October 1, 2014 by jwfisch

1356Moving into a new home ranks among the more exciting events in life. It’s definitely a time to celebrate. Moving into a new home can also be stressful, especially if the husband and wife have lived apart from each other for a number of years with one living on the streets and the other in a home for women without homes.

There is a couple whose struggle is to get off, and stay off, the streets. They have failed on several occasions, leaving pieces of their hearts behind them. It has been an amazingly difficult journey for Jeff and Kelly and there is absolutely no way either would be where they are now had it not been for the number of second chances people like you have given them along the way.

Having finally qualified for some assistance they have secured a home of their own — an $800-a-month motel room with a tiny kitchenette. While subsidized, Jeff and Kelly are responsible to provide monthly rent payments to an unforgiving landlord, and accept the responsibility to pay for everyday necessities like food and toilet paper. Nothing is easy during this transition and maybe they won’t make it. But both agree that there is absolutely no way they would have made it this far without Jesus Christ and you.

We are recognizing that many of you may not know the part you played in this couple’s life, so we share the following snapshot of Jeff and Kelly’s most recent journey to encourage you.

A constant presence downtown, Jeff slept in the doorways of public places for at least 6 years, always alone and quiet.  He would say that people would look through him or beyond him, but never really at him. He was a part of the nothingness — and the nothingness became him.

His wife, Kelly, shared his corner of the world for some time. During the day, they sat on park benches, bus benches, and benches on the Civic Center’s Promenade. They rummaged through trash for trade-in cans. They panhandled. When they walked from one place to another, they always looked down, as if unable to handle the looks of others.

They lived outside because they didn’t qualify for assistance; they were not insane or drunks or addicts.

Living on the streets took its toll on Kelly. She became distressed, resigned and afraid. Plagued by extreme previous events in her life, she went deeper and deeper into living a depressed life. That is when Jeff found her a temporary home of hospitality, where she could rest, appreciate the kindness of strangers, and be left alone. The Isaiah House was her saving grace. Resources were made available. Kelly was treated for depression and has since been on medication. She will never be better but she did grow stronger. Kelly doesn’t smile often, but she did begin to trust, enough to take advantage of the second chances the volunteers offered. The people of the Isaiah House saved her life. Their consistent kindness prevented her from taking her life, which she felt was worthless.

Jeff also received a number of second chances from you. To begin, he was diagnosed and treated for his mental disorder, schizophrenia. When challenged to find work, he decided he wanted to counsel young people. So while still on the streets and thanks to your contributions and a laptop computer, he pursued a Bachelor of Arts degree. He graduated. We know. We were there to watch him respond when his name was called, stepping up the stairs and walking the distance to center stage, where a dignified man congratulated him, shook his hand, and gave him his especially hard-earned diploma.

IMG_1324

Fresh towels.

Though not a guarantee of a job yet, they are, for now, thanks to you, enjoying a respite in their motel room furnished by gifts and donated items. Will they be able to keep their payments and stay off the streets? I’m not sure anyone can answer that. But for now, climbing into a real bed together between clean sheets and only steps away from their own toilet and shower is a little like being in heaven for Jeff and Kelly. But then again … maybe it’s where they belong, because maybe they are angels after all.

The next time you see someone in need, instead of looking through her or beyond him, stop long enough to think of Jeff and Kelly, and acknowledge that they are visible and not a part of the nothingness. Seek the Lord’s counsel if you are to give something of yourself. If it is a smile or a million dollars, give it freely and without looking away. You may be entertaining angels.

Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it. Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering. (Hebrews 13:1-3)

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Familiarly unfamiliar

Posted on September 30, 2014 by jwfisch
Photo: Chandler Fischer

                                        Photo: Chandler Fischer

There is a pedestrian bridge just north of Aliso Creek Beach on Pacific Coast Highway in South Laguna. At least that’s what my son, Chandler tells me. I wouldn’t know, though, because I’ve passed under it at least a half a dozen times a week for the last twelve years and never seen it. How is it possible that I am so familiar with this road and yet have failed to notice a whole bridge across the highway?

This all started when Chandler got a new camera for his birthday and announced he wanted me to take him there after dark so he could get some time lapse photos of cars passing under the bridge.

“What bridge?” I asked.

“The one right near Aliso Creek,” he said.

“You’re kidding,” I said. “There’s a bridge there?”

“Of course.”

“All the way across PCH?”

“Well it wouldn’t go halfway across the road!”

I knew that, of course, but I just couldn’t believe it. How unobservant! How familiarly unfamiliar! I actually couldn’t wait to take him there just to see what I apparently had not been seeing, though I thought I knew that stretch of road better than that.

When we got there, I at least understood something of why I hadn’t seen it at night. There are no lights on the bridge. I could barely see it even though I was looking for it. It’s painted dark green and there are no street lamps around there; it easily disappears into the darkness. Suddenly I didn’t feel so stupid about missing it at night. But that doesn’t help me out much in the daytime when it’s perfectly visible. That’s me, flying under a bridge I don’t see.

It’s true that familiarity can lead to blindness.

Marti claims that after almost 40 years of marriage, there is still much about her that I don’t know. That’s because I’ve been under that bridge too many times without seeing it. Once you don’t see something, then you get used to not seeing it, and, lo and behold, you’re looking right at it and it’s not there. This is forgivable when it comes to bridges across highways, but not when it comes to people you and I are around all the time. Familiarity can breed unfamiliarity.

This is something we should know and do something about. Probe… question… dig. This could be an adventure. The important thing is to care enough about someone to want to find out. This applies to everybody, but especially those closest to us. Find out, today, something you don’t know about someone you should know better.

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What kind of God?

Posted on September 29, 2014 by jwfisch

th-13Job argued with God. Moses bargained with Him. Jacob wrestled with Him. Nehemiah changed His mind. What do these amazing stories tell us about God if it isn’t that He wants a relationship with us probably more than we want one with Him. What does it tell us about God if He is willing to be persuaded, cajoled, bargained with and wrestled? It tells us He created us like Him so we could participate in a relationship with Him that means something in terms of integrity. It’s no small thing for God to be swayed by a puny human being, but such is the wonder of His will.

The Psalmist has declared a similar wonder when he wrote, “When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers — the moon and the stars you have set in place — what are mortals that you should think of us? For you made us only a little lower than the angels, and you crowned us with glory and honor. You put us in charge of everything you made, giving us authority over all things — the sheep and the cattle and all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, the fish in the sea, and everything that swims the ocean currents” (Psalms 8:3-8 NLT).

In other words:  What’s the big deal here? We’re the big deal. Does this bring us glory? Yes, but that only brings Him more. That He would create us with this much power and authority says a lot about our Creator and what He created us for. He created us with intelligence and emotions. He created us like Him so He could relate to us and we could relate to Him. And He gave us the right to refuse Him, accept Him, argue with Him, badger Him — even tell Him to get lost if that’s what we want to do.

Think about that. Even unbelief has integrity. What kind of God would create a being that might not even believe in Him? A God who wants a real relationship with us no matter what.

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Number 2

Posted on September 26, 2014 by jwfisch

th-12I suppose just about everybody is writing about Derek Jeter today, whose last career at bat as a forever-Yankee and most popular, most loved player in baseball, was a walk-off single against the Baltimore Orioles in the bottom of the ninth inning at Yankee Stadium last night. If you scripted that into a movie, you would have to say, “Nah … too perfect. Wouldn’t happen. Not realistic.” Well it happened, as have a number of seemingly-scripted moments during his whole career that have delighted fans everywhere.

It hardly matters that the Yankees didn’t make it into postseason play this year. The postseason would have been anticlimactic. This year was all about number 2: Derek Jeter. Respect for how Mr. Jeter played the game and carried himself throughout his career trumped any competitiveness.

This whole year was one long good-bye, as every stadium in which he played did something to mark his last appearance in their ballpark. At Angel Stadium earlier this year, at the Yankees last game there, Jered Weaver presented him with a surfboard signed by all the Angels; that’s after spending his whole career trying to get the man out.

Jeter’s numbers are certainly good enough to get him into the Hall of Fame, but if they weren’t, his character and personal integrity would. A tribute to him in Sports Illustrated records: “New York. You’ve been with me for the past 20 years. Your grit fueled my will. Your history strengthened my resolve. Your scrutiny exposed my flaws. Your expectation was my inspiration. From my first at bat until my final out, you helped make me who I am,” signed, Derek Jeter.

It’s fitting that there was no final out. Only a final game-winning walk-off hit. That means that for the rest of his life and on into eternity, they’ll still be trying to get him out. And no one will.

At the end of the section on the Sermon on the Mount we have been studying, Jesus concludes, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48).

This can be quite disconcerting. How can Jesus put all these impossible expectations on us, after telling us that those who are blessed are the spiritual beggars; those who mourn over their own sin, and those who long for a righteousness they know they don’t possess? I mean … really … He just told us to be as perfect as God! Try that for a little while this afternoon and see what happens!

Here’s why this appears confusing at first, but really is not: God never lowers the bar on His expectations for us — including what it will take to get us into heaven — because that makes us continually and humbly relying on Him for everything, and I mean, everything; the will to obey, the faith to make it real, the power to step out, the grace to make us capable, and mercy when we fail.

Derek Jeter will be the first to say he’s not perfect, but he would also say that everything in life — including baseball — demands perfection anyway.

Two things that work together for the follower of Christ: the standard which is beyond our reach, and the reach of the Holy Spirit in us which gets us beyond ourselves.

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