Last night I got caught defending myself one too many times. In two or three instances, in a short span of time, it just so happened that my point of view clashed with my wife’s, and in each case, the most important thing in my mind was whether it was clearly understood that I was right. Being right was the only thing that mattered. The issue with me was that I felt misunderstood and it consumed me. It was the only thing I could see.
Now here is the problem with this: so what? So what if I was right? Is that the only thing that matters? What if it were possible that we were both right, just looking at the same thing from two different points of view? Then proving that I was right means next to nothing. She could do the same thing, and where would we be with a conversation? Stuck.
But wait a minute: it’s still true that I was misunderstood. She has to stop talking long enough for me to explain my point of view which makes perfect sense to me. Anyone could see that. Again it’s the same question: so what? My point of view is not the only thing being considered here. Hind sight tells me there is much more to this than my point of view.
Here is what I learned at least by this morning (it would have been better if I had learned it last night): It’s more important to understand than to be understood. It’s more important to see from another person’s perspective than to make sure everyone sees from mine. If we don’t get this, we won’t get anywhere.
Look at it this way: I’ve already got a pretty good relationship with my own mind. We understand ourselves. We talk to ourselves all the time. We try to figure out what we are going to do. We are like Gollum in “The Lord of the Rings,” reiterating our love for our “precious” repeatedly — our “precious” in this case being whatever we think is important. But think about it: Don’t I already have a relationship with myself? Isn’t that relationship going pretty well? Aren’t I a little sick of it? If that’s all I have going in my head, I will not have a relationship with anybody but me, my precious and I. Wow, that’s three of us now!
I think we all have our own Gollum, and it helps to see him as the ugly thing that he is. He is us all tied up with us. Get someone else going in your mind. Have a real conversation with someone. Who knows, it might broaden your perspective.














