Evangelical Myth #2: All Christian homes are happy.
I grew up in a family the embraced this myth so fully that almost any means would justify maintaining it including lying, or at least not telling the whole truth, which is a form of lie. (The serpent didn’t tell the whole truth to Eve.)
This is one of the things that makes going to church problematic: Everyone there is doing so well. Everyone is so happy. And although we all know this can’t be true, no one has the courage to be the first to test the myth. So we go on blindly perpetuating it.
This myth is firmly embedded in the false idea that happy, well-adjusted Christians are the best witness to those who are not believers. The tragedy is that quite the opposite is true. Shiny, happy people only drive others away. It sets a standard that is impossible to maintain apart from a kind of false veneer that fools only those who are aware of the game and want to be fooled.
Sadly, the ones who are driven away are the very ones who need the gospel the most, and would be the most open to it were the “witnesses” more honest and less accomplished in the happy life. It’s the down-to-earth human struggles that make faith most believable to unbelievers. If faith can’t embrace dysfunctional behavior, marital problems, addictions, habitual sins, then who is qualified to receive it? No one, because no one is perfect.
Someone once said that the world is made up of goofy people who know they’re goofy, and goofy people who don’t know they’re goofy, and the latter are by far the most dangerous. Given the fact that we are all goofy, the ones who know that they are make the best Christians.
John Fischer The Catch 
True and even more sad. I was like that – shiny outside, dirty inside. Now I’m just plain goofy, so Christ can shine through that goofiness.
It’s a relief to know that as a goofy person – one who enjoys the sudden surprise, a laugh at a funny story but also, as a hospice volunteer, one who sees the unfunny stuff, and, too, one who sees his own weaknesses, that I can take heart that Christ loves me. Thanks, John
OK, John, this time you really hit the nail on the head. If we could all just admit we’re broken (and then mended by the Master Craftsman) we could all just relax more. I watch so many people around me (ok, sometimes I’m one of them) who are afraid to try something, say something, greet a stranger, or just say, “NO”, all because they are afraid someone will notice that they are not as “shiny” as they want to be. Some days I wake up feeling broken, but somewhere (often here!) or through someone God reminds me that he has “loved me with an everlasting love”! Thanks for the reminder today.
Now, that myth I HAVE heard. Fortunately, my parents didn’t buy into it. But so many families do.
It is so sad that part of coming to Christ is realizing our transparency before him, naked before the Lord if you will. Then we spend the rest of our life hiding from the very people that seemed so happy to see us accept Christ.
If you show weakness, or failure, have a kid in trouble or any number of normal daily life things, many people feel rejected or a let down to their “brothers and sisters”, real or perceived.
Unless you’re gay you can tell most Christians about your needs or short comings as long as you’re giving testimony to victory over it, claiming victory over it or just finished a 12 step program for it. Because we know that sexual orientation does not change it best to just keep that one in the closet.
Tim … I cannot tell how you meant this last line … Do you yourself think that sexual orientation does not change? Feel free to contact me privately if you want to.
Tim … what if I told you that I agree that sexual orientation does not change? But I also think there is a more important question to consider. I hope you want to talk on this.
another problem with “precious moments” Christians is they leave flawed, struggling and sometimes down right disobediant belivers like me feeling so unworthy and out of touch with God that we feel like throwing in the towel…or even worse they leave us so self focused that we become spiritually paralyized unable to get our eyes off ourselves long enough to live even a hint of the promised “abundant life”…thanks John…
I see where you are going and I agree that the truth (as ugly as it can be) should be what we show to the world… but what if we are truly happy? (and happy to be goofy about it?) We all have problems, but I’ve learned that I choose to be happy in the midst of it all. I fought my battle with despair and I won (not that it does not want to come around every once in a while!). Happy is the truth for me. I sincerely hope that in my case it is not perceived as an unattainable fake standard but an attainable state in spite of the craziness of everyday because “greater is the one with me than the one against me”. Enough to make me happy. Could I be this happy all on my own? Certainly not. But he has made me truly happy.
Right on, Jolene! I dig where John’s coming from, that facades can make others think that if they’re not bouncing and “happy”, then they’re “inadequate”. But James tells us to “lie not against the truth”, and the truth is, seemingly bad scenes are only transitory: Jesus gave us the victory and all we have to do is wait patiently for it to manifest. When rough times hit (and I’ve had a few over the past 10 years), I remind myself that I’m too blessed to be stressed and try to share that attitude with someone else who’s down. Otherwise, why would someone who’s already miserable want to come to Christ, when Christians appear to be just as miserable? Being “happy” in Christ can be a cover-up, that’s true; but it can also be a revelation.
I spent years in a private hell – a struggle with (*GASP*) depression, because of this myth. I was a worship leader, and when the shiny, happy people at church would shake my hand and ask “how are you,” I would smile and say “fine,” though my spirit was dying. God’s grace and mercy saw me through this, and through it I learned it’s okay to be different. Be goofy. Be Real. Jesus came along side me, and now I live the *goofy* life, and hope that I can come along side others who are struggling, and Just. Be. Real.
Great post AGAIN John….thank you !
Having spent quite a few years in a ministry where the belief was fed and ‘walked’ that “believing EQUALS receiving” and every illness, ‘confession’ and our
”responsibility ‘ was to present the ‘abundant life’ as PROOF of our faith and trust in Jesus Christ it was ultimately the downfall of many. If your life was going well …pride was a very present ‘fruit’ of being a “really mature ‘ believer….if you were ill or going through tough times the ‘exhortation’ was ‘where is YOUR believing ‘ driving the stake of guilt and failure deeper and deeper.
This false gospel and all of the network of it’s undergirding of scripture taken out of the whole context of scripture put an onus upon the REAL condition of all …that we are BORN DEAD ….and IN trespasses and SIN …and are every to follow JESUS to the CROSS to put the flesh to death by way of walking in obedience to what HIS WORD/SPIRIT works IN US …
To do that I saw I had to allow that the system of theology that was being set forth was leading all there to equate faithfulness to that “ministry ‘ and it’s doctrinal areas that were divergent from the whole testimony of scripture was FALSE .
Many truths WERE displayed along WITH false things…mostly in APPLICATION of truths in WRONG ways or perspectives.
Abundant life IS offered by Christ but it is most prominently NOT in terms OF THIS WORLD and this worlds various ‘coins of the realm’
IN fact Jesus told us “MY kingdom is NOT OF THIS WORLD”
The various ways God works through our FOLLOWING HIM >..by way of what HE has godbreathed works to bring us low …to put the carnal flesh TO DEATH …and that death then facilitates the RESURRECTION of LIFE within
Jesus told us “My words are spirit …and they are LIFE”
An “abundant life’ apart from this process is no life at all but as you pointed out …just another outward form of godliness.
The ‘standard’ of the world is in , as one person I know put it , “beauty, brains and bucks’ ….we are not called to CAUSE anyone to believe because our lives are to be the result of the WORD known and then lived as we “continue in my [his] words and then we are HIS disciples INDEED”
That is an inner process that results in following not some SYSTEM of theology but a daily immersion in His mind and a willingness to ‘put it on ‘ and keep on following .
At least this is what I have been endeavoring to do .
This offen results in the experiences that are NOT what we would choose for ourselves….for “he whom the Lord loves he chastens betimes’ ….in the shiny , happy , church group this is viewed often as somehow a judgment upon the heart of a person ….,the true “judgment’ is to be NOT by APPEARANCE but RIGHTEOUS judgment which judgment is supplied by the WORD of GOD …2 Tim 3:16….ALL scripture.
The measure applied to us as we follow Him will not be necessarily what anyone would judge as ‘good’ by the standards of the world , the flesh or cosmopolotan [ thank God!] but is the life as it contiues to cleanse darkness from our understanding and to clear the way to SEE the truth that no man knows unless the SON REVEALS it to him as he is obeying the command to search the WORD and keep on searching and to obey what comes up from the heart where the LORD has proclaimed HE would change the heart from STONE to flesh …to a heart willing and faithful to follow HIM
The idea that WE are somehow going to inspire love for GOD is very close to what the Word says in our minds YET if just “demonstrating ‘ the WORD and the truth of it were ‘enough’ to inspire a person then it would be MAN that is given this ‘ability’
In my Bible it says that it is GOD who is building HIS CHURCH …ADDING to the CHURCH daily ….such as are BEING saved.
The ‘work of GOD ‘ is that ‘we might believe’ ….
Jesus Himself walked among many who SAW Him …and the life he lived and STILL were not MOVED to believe and obey .
Some believed and did not CONTINUE in HIS WORD and thus were not counted among those faith …
He told many believers who DID do many mighty works…..depart from me I NEVER KNEW YOU .
That word “knew’ is significant….
Do we have the WORD IMPREGNATING US?
Is it IN us and bringing forth fruth ?
Jesus did not dispute their claim that they believed and DID do miracles IN HIS NAME
They were confident that THEY were saved. ..yet HE gave testimony that they missed something
They were called ‘workers of INIQUITY” ….iniquity is ‘lawlessness’
It is possible to ‘know the Word ‘ and STILL be a worker of iniquity …and I feel that the false gospel has a whole lot to do with this .
Knowledge puffeth up but agape edifieth’ …..knowing without doing or being according to the permeters of the WORD of GOD as GOD reveals them to those who CONTINUE …IN …HIS WORDS.
His WORD is a ‘seed’ ….it must IMPREGNATE >…it needs to be PLANTED or ENGRAFTED …and that happens in the meek heart.
Many of the ‘churches’ that exist attach the NAME of JESUS CHRIST to their particular brand but are far from him
He witnessed this and told us it was one of the TACTICS of those who were enemies of the Lord.
We do not need to go about fearing or being ‘suspicious’ but we must KNOW the WORD in order to avoid being deceived from without …and to examine ourselves so that we are not decieved by our own hearts.
The transformed life is from a transformed heart which occurs when we receive the Word WITH MEEKNESS ….often as new people , unlearned as yet in the foundation of the truth …which according to scripture is built upon the foundation of the apostles ,prophets, with Jesus Christ as the chief cornerstone…..there is a gap …a necessity to take time WITH the LORD as guide into the scriptures to have a proper foundation laid .
Even so …the good shepherd knows who his sheep are and they know his voice …HOW? by being IN his words…being familiar with what HE says …then another they will not follow
”
The current state that you speak of is for the sake of MAMMON …often the need to pay a mortage or a payroll has brought this compromise through the general good intention of those who just want to see many born again .
The truth is that Jesus did not speak of the ‘many ‘ as having gone through the STRAIT GATE …which speaks of some DIFFICULTY …as he uses the term ‘STRIVE to ENTER IN” in this place ….the only place mentioning this kind of struggle.
Why ? Those entering into a city under seige are finding the most resistance at the GATE!
Jesus Christ IS that strait gate …the TRUTH about WHO he IS ….is diffucult as it is HE who REVEALS himself THROUGH the submission to HIS WORDS…not the interrpretation of others.
God tells us that NO MAN KNOWS WHO the FATHER IS BUT THE SON and HE TO WHOM THE SON REVEALS HIM.
This is not done in some kind of supernatural ‘trans’ state or some feeling of power unseen but THROUGH the knowledge and application of HIS WORD in meekness to HIM …
It causes the rejection and reviling of those who hear it and do not KNOW it themselves but often are following another doctrine…that has been superimposed upon their understanding by way of man’s teaching ..led by men …or the traditions of men in thought and understanding .
The knowledge of the TRUTH …and not just knowledge of scripture or Bible …comes through the sacrificial laying down of our expectations of our OWN thinking and that of OTHERS …and the actual face to face with the LORD within his WORD
This is a solitary existance but does not reject the interactions with others…in fact it is through and by way of our walk that we are brought to be stimulated to go back into the WORD to be taught of HIM …to see if what we are brought to wonder about is so …and what GOD’s perspective is
We DO not want to lay our troubles ON other people BUT in wisdom we know that we are to be rightly related to the LORD …knowing HE is our sufficiency and that HE will continue to bring about HIS work IN us as we are submitted to that end through his leadership throught whatever trials he has allowed us to endure to turn us again and again to him as we become aware of our insufficiency in and of ourselves.
To know HIM …and the power of his suffering is not a call for us to seek out misery but to know that he is soveriegn and in those who are following Him those times of suffering …because IN HIM there is NO longer ANY condemnation to those who are IN Christ Jesus AND who are walking NOT according to the FLESH but according to the SPIRIT .
For when we are walking in the SPIRIT /.WORD we will have tribulation but by and through HIS WORD we will see the VICTORY over our own fallen nature and false assumptions and HIS victory will result in HIM gettting the glory and not ourselves
We enjoy the fruit of HIS intended work as we are thus confirmed to be HIS and see the outcome through the promises of the WORD showing us the triumphant outcome in the lives of previous faithful followers recorded for us there …and the various ways that our own lives in retrospect testify to HIS faithfulness to us throughout all of our past …even when we did not KNOW HIM
For we are HIS from the foundation of the WORLD …HE bought us with a price and we are not our own …we are HIS .
HE can do whatsoever brings HIM GLORY …and no good thing will he withhold from those that live uprightly
He is our judge …we stand approved before HIM BY WAY of rightly dividing HIS WORD ..and HE gives that understanding to those who honor HIM by heeding HIS work as he will guide us into all truth if we are willing to acknowledge that we do not KNOW as we think we do
The ‘rich men’ of the BIBLE are more likely to be those who THINK THEY ALREADY KNOW …and cease to search with the LORD as their teacher in all things.
Hearing others share is good …then going back to hear from the LORD as he guides us to examine what has been said .
This is to know the truth …and that makes us free ..whether to learn about our OWN condition in truth or to learn what is truth from among the many places it often is IN other various offerings.
The truth stands even as it MAY be embedded in many ways of false offerings..
We are to seek it …find it and “sell all that we have to OWN IT ‘ ….dig deep , find the pearl of GREAT PRICE>..the price HE paid for US to be able to seek and find the kingdom of GOD which is HIS WORD ..that it may be PLANTED in the soil of a heart broken and turned from fallow to fruitful .
Breaking a fallow feild is hard work …it is painful at times..but WORTH IT ..and HE does the work if we will offer up our hearts and minds trusting that HE is willing and able to take our dead ‘life’ and resurrect it in supplying us with the TRUTH AND with UNDERSTANDING ;\
\
WHOOOOWOOO !
In your statement, KP, “The idea that WE are somehow going to inspire love for GOD is very close to what the Word says in our minds YET if just “demonstrating ‘ the WORD and the truth of it were ‘enough’ to inspire a person then it would be MAN that is given this ‘ability’ “, demonstrating the WORD and the truth of of the Word ARE enough to inspire a person to love GOD, because is it making the invisible God, visible. The visible God is a God of Love and our passionate love for Jesus becomes contagious because God is working through us as we demonstrate this truth and our personal passion. We make the one true God believable BECAUSE the Spirit is in us, not by way of our own ability or to our own credit. We do what we do and say what we say to the Glory of God, not to glorify ourselves.
Amen, brother!
I grew up in a family of “Successful Christians” and struggled for many years to demonstrate the happy, joyful life that “sinlessness” was supposed to produce. I needed to fail – in ministry, in my career, and ultimately in my marriage – to discover that my “Dad” above really loved me. Really.
Since coming to a new relationship with “Dad” I’m discovering new (more authentic?) relationships with his other kids: funny that I’ve got brothers I never knew about. And it has almost nothing to do with going to church.
This was one of the most meaningful Catches to me and I agree wholeheartedly. For years I was in an abusive marriage — but felt I couldn’t talk to anyone at church because they all seemed to have perfect marriages. How discouraging! Christians need to be real — people respond to REAL.