Marti is not done yet. She gave me enough for two days so here is Day 2.
So convinced am I that Roses on Wednesday will revitalize a marriage that I will guarantee it will work, even if a payment plan is prearranged with a florist so that the flowers are sent out each week automatically. Same result. Doesn’t matter how, as long as it’s done. I’ve even given more than half a thought to setting up a business to do this for you guys.
No, Roses on Wednesday isn’t everything, but it is a visible beginning to show that your love is true.
In Ephesians 5, I am commanded to give value to John, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). But more importantly, you men are to give yourselves to your wives: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:25-28).
Here is what I think: I think John and you need to restructure from God’s perspective what you are to be doing with your wives, coming with as much expectation as we woman would to Christ, while you are preparing to die for us as Christ died for us all.
No more chatting, dear brothers. Either join what God has given you, embrace it, improve on it, and when miracles arise, give praise to the Lord for His work through you… or don’t.
Are you truly still with me asking where to begin? I will tell you: Submit yourself to going beyond yourself and resist denial.
It’s your call.
John Fischer The Catch 
Okay, you two, I have loved the roses. But my husband knocks my socks off by doing laundry. He is retired; and I am still working. One of the most powerful affirmations of his love for me, is when I return physically and mentally exhausted, open the door and walk in to a spotless kitchen, and no laundry to do.
I’d like to know what the wife (me!) can do, each week, to get those roses to my husband. Marti, how do you show your love to John? We get so caught up in crisis, responsibilities, etc. if we aren’t careful, we can lose the element of lavishing love on our husbands also…
These were great thoughts. Since Veterans Day was yesterday, I just have to add that my mother-in-law told us this past weekend that my late father-in-law prearranged to have flowers sent once a month, and on holidays and special days, the whole year he was in Vietnam. They didn’t have much money but he somehow managed to eek out enough to do that. I was very impressed!
That is so sweet, Kellie!
Several years ago, I was hospitalized for depression. I had been in therapy for some time, and my husband always refused to go with me. He continued to advise me about how he handled his life and reminded me that if I would handle mine the same, I would not have a problem. After I was released, and for next twelve years that I was in therapy, he continued to refuse to go with me. I know I had/have problems–but I also know that our relationship contrubuted/contributes to them.
When I was hospitalized, he arranged to have one rose delivered to me for each day was there. The roses only annoyed me and I insisted that the deliveries be stopped. He also liked to give me expensive jewelry, or take me on long vacations, but the answer is not in the roses, the jewelry, or a cruise. It is in the relationship. After many years, I insisted that we attend a marriage encounter or separate. The week-end helped to us to work out many misunderstandings, and we continue to work on our marriage. I would recommend it to everyone. I would remind all readers not to depend on roses–especially if they are a substitute for genuine caring. I would also suggest that the weekly delivery may get to be routine–it is remembering the Ephesians quote above that strengthens relationships.
Another option- on the day (i.e. the 13th) of the month for our wedding (we were married on October 13), I leave something on the table for my wife. It represents the number of years we have been married. For example, we just celebrated 3 years, so on the 13th of each month she’ll find 3 of something there. It may be inexpensive (three pieces of chocolate), or may be three fresh cut flowers, or three photos. I started when we were first married, and never mentioned what I was doing. It took her a few months to figure it out. Now she does the same thing for me, but she hides my gifts somewhere. It makes the 13th day of each month fun for us.
Maybe I’m missing the point but I absolutely cannot stand to get roses any day of the week. It’s so contrived. When my husband empties the dishwasher it makes me swoon with love for him. And that’s not the only seemingly “little” thing he does. Roses are the easy way out and I don’t think that’s what God wants from us.
Your comment about the roses being contrived says so much in so few words. A few years ago, my husband cleaned and varnished our oak floors. I was absolutely thrilled as it showed that he cared about something I needed to have done–a thing I couldn’t do myself.
Each one of us needs to be loved differently. Some require words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service or physical touch. Often we respond best to certain of these five, sometimes all are important.
For years I thought that loving my wife meant expensive gifts, lavish dinners, and out of country vacations. In stead, after thirty years and a threat of separation I found that my wife likes quality time, acts of service, and character changes in me. I did, and this made her feel loved. I hate vacuuming but do it because it gives me pleasure to make her feel loved. In addition, it amazed me how she liked it when I opened a car door, made her a cup of tea, put the dishes away, or made sure that I cleaned up after myself. I now make sure that I do these things because it makes her feel like I really care. Boy do I love that woman!
Women are all about having their needs met and as men that often does not compute in our brains as important. So guys find out the needs of your wife and meet them. She has mentioned them plenty of times, don’t ask her what they are. Oh, yes, helping her put away the groceries is one point, so is a vacation in Hawaii. So concentrate on the little things, women love it when you pay attention to the details of their lives.
My wife and I no longer criticize each other incessantly. Yes we still do have talks that motivate changes in our own character. God gave us each other to love not to annoy, frustrate and anger. We both realize that God has each of us on different journeys of removing pride, rebellion, and other such selfish sins. It is not up to me to determine which journey she should be on, it is just my joy to love her.
My wife hates roses but loves the cheapest flower around, the carnations. Most roses don’t last long she says but the carnations do.
read The C atch daily, but before I read “the Roses ” I thought it would be a nice idea to buy my wife some flowers , so I brought her some real pretty Mums . walk in the door with them , and she said ” who are those for “I said ” you , thought it might brighten you day, she said o.k. thanks dont’ know what I expected , but a little more than that .
You message tells a huge story– appreciation goes both ways–your wife didn’t meet your needs that day either. I know nothing about your relationship–but if you read Peter’s comments and others above you may get a glimmer of what might work. I once mentioned to my therapist that maybe I wasn’t meant to have a relationship–to which she replied, “relationships are hard.” I often think of that when rebuffed. Relationshiops are hard–they can’t be healed by one gift of flowers. But in the end they are worth the trouble. Don’t give up working on yours–
We were 18 years ago on 5/2. Every month, on the 2d, my dear husband wishes me a happy anniversary. When he first began this verbal expression of his love, I was surprised; now, every month, it’s who can say “happy annivesary” first… kind of a way to remind ourselves how special we are to each other. He does so many other acts of love for me, but the monthly reminder is a fun and special day for us.