In trying to get closer to the root causes of what appears to be a typically poor self-image among evangelicals, I need not go much farther than my own childhood raised in an evangelical home.
We used to sing a song in Sunday school called “Jesus and Others and You, what a wonderful way to spell JOY.” Now taken correctly, this little ditty, though simplistic, could mean to put Jesus and others before yourself, and that would be biblically sound, except that somehow, when this was taught, we caught something else from our teachers. We caught that we were supposed to lower ourselves below everybody else. We were scumbags. We were nothing. Godliness was next to worthlessness. You could never take credit for anything. You could never be proud about anything because pride was a sin. Under the guise of humility, there was perpetrated a kind of sinister nothingness not unlike “The Nothing” in the movie The Never Ending Story. How else do you explain the poor, drab, non-descript character that has typified Christians for decades? (Think no farther than the church lady.)
The problem with this is that it is not in keeping with a God of love who created us in his image and loved us first before we could ever love back. By treating ourselves so poorly in our own minds we are actually desecrating what God created and called good.
Yes, the scriptures talk about humbling yourself, giving yourself up (husbands), offering yourself as a living sacrifice, dying to yourself, pouring yourself out in service (Paul), but when it does, it is assuming you have a good hold of something of a reasonably respectable self to give up, to pour out, to die to, and to offer! We had become so ingrained with the idea that self was the problem, that when it came to doing something with ourselves, we had nothing to do anything with. We had reduced ourselves to nothing. This is a perversion of humility, and nothing close to what men and women of the Bible experienced. And this thinking is so subtle and cynical that I am still finding my way out of it.
There is a way to make others important without making yourself unimportant. There is a way to consider others better than yourself without considering yourself the scum of the earth. There is a way to love others based on a way you love yourself that honors both loves as necessary and right. Don’t ever devalue what God values… you.
John Fischer The Catch 
I was taught “JOY” (Jesus-others-you) as “I am third” – Jesus (God) is first in my life, everyone else is second and my needs are third. At first this can seem depressing, but we must remember that Jesus loved us so much that He was willing to die as a sacrifice for our sins. We are more important to God than the life of His first born Son. For every other Christian, our needs are more important than his own. Christians are taught to love others even to the point of laying down their own life for the life of others.
So, if GOD had a refrigerator my picture would be on it and I am no. 2 in the hearts of every other Christian. How can I not find joy in this knowledge?
Scot McKnight calls this the “Jesus Creed” and he claims Jesus spoke about it when He was asked which commandment was the greatest. He responded, “Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One. Love the Lord with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strenght. The second is this, Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” The love Jesus speaks of is unconditional regard for a person that prompts and shapes behavior in order to help that person to become what God desires. (page 8 of Scot’s book)
John, it sounds like you and I grew up in the same church. They also made rules of behavior, each rule prefaced by the words, *A true Christian would never…….*
Good point. Good timing, too — I just read the piece below, last night. I don’t know if you saw it too, but I think you’ve answered it pretty effectively!
http://www.boundlessline.org/2010/11/biggest-loser-mantra.html
Two things.
First, you are correct that what we are taught in church when we are you contributes to the problem. But it isn’t just what we are taught by mistake, as you describe here. It can also take the form of intentional manipulation. When I was young one church we attended taught that all Christian young men had an obligation to go to Bible college and become a minister or missionary and any young man who didn’t plan on doing that was being disobedient to God. Well, to hell with me, then, ‘cuz neither of those was gonna happen. No matter how old I get and how much I understand intellectually that what was being taught was a load of b.s., emotionally it still destroys me. I “obviously” have chosen not to follow Christ and I “obviously” don’t love God since I am not, have no desire to be, and never will be a minister or missionary. So why even bother trying. “Thanks for that offer of salvation, God, but the strings you have attached are just a bit over the top for me. You obviously weren’t thinking of me when you put your plan together.”
Second, your news feed has no title. “My Yahoo!” doesn’t know what to call it so it calls it “No Title”. Don’t know if you have the ability to fix that or not.
And I agree with Ken. That is how I felt also but have since have learned that I have to have a good self-image of myself before others can see Christ in me.
I didn’t grow up in a Christian home, but I did spend many years in counseling. My counselor used to define humility as, “seeing yourself as God see’s you.” Being honest about our strengths (don’t deny them but give thanks to God for them), and also being honest about weaknesses.
This is a really meaty series you have going. I am enjoying it immensely.
John, our Sunday School class was named many years ago J.O.Y. (Jesus, Others, and You) before many of us belonged to the class. We suspect it follows a song, but none of us have heard the song. Any chance you can send or post a copy of that song?
I have always had a conflicting crisis of belief with “Love your neighbor as yourself” and “you are too prideful – pride is a sin!” I am nearly 50 years old and just learning to love myself as GOD does – I hope & pray I am not passing this on to my children.
It is so hard to love ourselves when we think that is a sin – when in all actuality, it is probably MORE of a sin to despise ourselves – to hate what God has created.
How did we get so far from the PURE love of God?
THANK YOU, John – another GREAT thought-provoking devotion to chew on today –
What a true message. For years I thought myself worthless – not deserving of wealth or success, a marriage partner, or happiness in general. And I would become agitated when encountering people who appeared happy or successful, thinking they were egotistical. Granted there is ego involved in professional success, but my reactions were based on an often repeated message that we need to be dead to the self. It took years to change my behaviors, and I’m not sure I’m there yet. This kind of message continues onward within our Christian circles. A couple years ago my daughter was part of a academic team at a Christian school. They had won a regional competition and then State competition. It was the first time in our school’s history that we qualified for a national competition. When we met with other parents of team members and the school principle, I was shocked at their responses. A couple parents advocated giving the kids a trip to an amusement park in lieu of entering the competition. The principle immediately noted there was no money in the school budget for travel and that the school could not assist (not even provide the school van or offer gas money). It felt as if we were needing to invent reasons to quit. The not-so-subtle message was very clear: our kids were going to get too proud, too big-headed, and not follow the biblical message of humility. Fortunately, there were enough of us that got very creative in fundraising with our kids. We did compete, and the experience our kids (and I) received from rubbing shoulders with kids and coaches from all over the U.S. was beyond words. This experience also became a pivotal moment where we decided to take out kids out of the private Christian school. Our kids are thriving in their walk and friendships with other kids, both Christian and those who do not claim be. Sad to say pulling them out of the Christian school has been one of the better decisions we made. It ended the “we are worthless” cycle. Good riddance I say.
God tells us that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” it’s kind of a “my compliments to the chef” when you believe that. it can devolve into haughtiness when we forget that it is God that is the source and creator, but there should be no shame in appreciating his handiwork. i do find it especially easy to do this in regards to my wife, but harder to look in the mirror and have the same admiration. satan uses that self condemnation to induce paralysis and doubt of God’s love for us. thanks for the challenge to believe God and casting doubt on Satan’s lies!
I found these last 2 days’ posts very useful – my pastor emailed me yesterday’s to remind me to lighten up on myself. I hope tomorrow you’ll continue, because it’s the HOW to change that has eluded me. “There is a way to love others based on a way you love yourself that honors both loves as necessary and right.” How do I truly find and maintain the love for others and myself? There have been times when I’ve been able to experience love of self and others – it feels wonderful. But often I dishonor both self and others through judgment and condemnation. Then I feel ashamed, and add hiding my real thoughts (dishonesty) to my list of reasons not to love myself… I very much appreciate your sharing your journey with us.
I remember that chorus, too, and was interested to hear that your perception of it was similar to mine. Yes, there is a paradox that Joy comes from Jesus and serving others, but putting myself last for many years left me desperate for someone to build up my own sense of worth. Satan used it as a foothold in my life, but thankfully my wonderful husband “hung in there” with me and several friends and acquaintances in the community, and many hours in Bible study and prayer, helped me see that God created work for me to do and sees me as valuable enough to send His son to save. This is one Sunday school chorus that I’m NOT teaching my granddaughter!
It has been my experience that most people, Christian and otherwise, do not have a healthy self-image. It also seems that many of the writers here do not have a healthy image of the church. Of course the church is not perfect because there are imperfect people in it, but it is what Christ blessed us with.
My two oldest children attended public school. After that experience, I vowed, “Never again”, and my two youngest attended a Christian school. Was it perfect? No, but at least they were not exposed to radical secular humanism. They were never taught that they some kind of scum that evolved into humans and for that I am very grateful to God.
I never experienced anyone in my religious environment who conveyed a “typically poor self-image” but rather a superior image as holding the only true take on Biblical instruction. All those other religious organizations didn’t make the cut. Consequently I saw a lot of ruling egos. I was a developing child and trusted everyone’s ACCURATE rendention of the real Christian. Knowing now, what I couldn’t at the time, the superiority complex does indeed cover an inferiority complex. That core inferiority comes from parents who don’t love their children the way Jesus loves us all. Never being loved we don’t do well in passing it on to others. Humility is not a Humiliating experience, but false humility is an act to impress the “outsiders” with our holiness.