So how was your Thanksgiving holiday? I must admit ours was difficult.
After a tradition of scads of people over for a seven-course Thanksgiving celebration including my older son and daughter’s friends, neighbors, and relatives from out of state, this Thanksgiving was reduced to Marti, Chandler and me out to dinner. Anne was in Colorado on rotation for her medical school degree; Christopher, in his first year with the L.A.P.D. had to work his beat (the running joke around here is that Christopher brings them in and Anne sews them up), and our last living parent – the inimitable Grandma Vi, the life of former Thanksgivings – passed away a year ago. Before even the main course could arrive, Chandler, feeling the separation from a brother, a sister and a grandmother he loves, announced he wanted to go home. We walked out of this fine restaurant with most of our Thanksgiving dinner in bags. It’s still in the refrigerator.
There are sometimes when there is nothing you can do about sadness except feel it. I’m thinking especially of those who have recently lost loved ones, as well as the families and friends of servicemen and women who must feel this pain many times over every day, but especially around the holidays.
I have included a family picture with this entry to prove that I have one. This was taken at Anne’s White Coat Ceremony when her class received their white lab coats marking the beginning of their service rotations in the field, the last step in her degree from the University of Southern California Keck School of Medicine. It was a proud day indeed and our faces show it. I can’t help but think of the hundreds, no thousands of lucky people who will receive a healing touch from Anne, just like there is no face I’d rather see in a time of crisis than Christopher’s.
So I guess you’re getting my Thanksgiving right here, right now. And the good news is: it looks like we’ll all be together for Christmas. Chandler can’t wait.
John Fischer The Catch 
A friend sent me your post about Thanksgiving. It certainly hit home with me. My son is in Afghanistan. This is not his first deployment, but is the first during the holidays. I was sad for him, for my daughter-in-law, for my husband, and for me. We had all signed a Thanksgiving card and mailed to him, which he did not receive. I was feeling blue. One thing I am thankful for is technology. We can “chat” with him online each week. I can’t imagine how families in times past made it without communication from there loved ones. God bless our military personel and God bless America!
Such a beautiful family you have, and you all look very thankful, whether on Thanksgiving or not. I think of the changes my family has gone thru on T’day, starting with when my brother first went into the Air Force, then my uncle passed away (ending a long family tradition), then my father-in-law (totally changing that tradition), and now my father can no longer go out. It’s just a reminder to me that we must be thankful for each day as it comes and try not to get tied in knots and too busy to enjoy the crowded Thanksgivings, because the quieter ones will come along. It’s still hard though, isn’t it. We’re looking forward to Christmas too!
In my 61 years our family has had many diverse Thanksgiving experiences due to separations and other inconveniences/life events and we have made peace with this by realizing that Thanksgiving is more than a day. Thanksgiving is an attitude, a way of thinking that allows one to feel the sadness of those not at that particular table but to still move forward. Thanksgiving is every day of the year; it’s a mind-set.
Thanks for this reminder.
Changing traditions certainly can give us something to think about . . . my husband and I for the first time ever did not have the feast of roasted turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, etc. etc. etc. but traveled to California to eat turkey sandwiches and potato salad with my dad and his wife (both in their mid-80s). Although we joke about the sandwiches, I am so thankful that Dad and Jo are still there and still able to receive us as guests. In addition, I was able to see a brother I hadn’t seen since 2006 and revisit a step-sister I haven’t known since we were children. So bring on the turkey sandwiches again next year!!!
This past year my young adult children have decided they want nothing to do with me and moved in with their father, who appears delighted at the thought that finally, the kids have decided that he is the best parent, etc., and I now have to pay “child” support for my two “dependent adults” (19 years and almost 21) which is obviously something I never planned on at their age and do not have the money for. I did not see them at Thanksgiving and now I hear they are going south for two weeks at Christmas time — because they are adults I have nothing to say about it … although the few times I have spoken or texted to them I have kept it “light”, not mentioning these issues — but neither one seems interested in even coming over at any point during the holiday season. So I guess my point is, yes, change is hard — something I am going to have to be patient about, but it has made me realize how important my family (brothers, sisters) are to me, and how they as well as my friends have come together to support me during these difficult times. I have also learned the lesson that money isn’t everything. It used to be so important to me. Now as I am paying support that I really cannot afford, I realize relationships are more important. That money can be earned, it comes and goes, and material items come and go, but it is the people in your life that are more important. So once I come out on the other side of this, hopefully in a few years, I believe my outlook on a lot of things will be different. I have so many things to be thankful for. I am trying very hard to concentrate on those and I thank God for them every day.
Stay teachable. We all have so much to learn. Remember no blame and keep loving. You and I both have work to do. Let’s pray for each other.
Martin and John,
I wish you could see all of us out here, with misty eyes, we are part of your family. We are proud of your kids. And we love you.
Carl W
Thank you so much.
I can’t tell you how much I can relate to this. Since my youngest son of six went to college a year ago June I have missed all my kids so much more. The longing I have for them seems to intensify, not dimish. This Thanksgiving my oldest daughter “decided” we would have Thanksgiving at her house ending a long term family tradition. Two of my six kids wern’t there because of internal family disputes. Emotionally I can’t seem to let go. I do and then I don’t; I do and then I don’t. Because we have a blended/split family the complexities are exponential.
God is good and He is Sovereign…but I still miss my kids.
Blessings to all of you who can relate.
Hi John! I think a lot of folks can relate to your feelings. It’s important to bear these things together.
thanks for sharing so honestly, john, and for giving us a glimpse at your wonderful family ~ it’s a gift to us to put faces with their names! i hosted my whole family on thanksgiving day, which included some very real relational challenges. by midnight i was utterly spent, on several levels, and i’d lost my joy somewhere along the way. thank you for the perspective, and the challenge it was for me to reshape my memories of that day. cup half full now, by God’s great grace. and on to Christmas! 🙂
Good for you!
Beautiful family!
Yeah, we had one of ‘your’ Thanksgivings last year. Another family invited the 3 of us ‘orphans’ over for their Thanksgiving which made the ‘longing’ for the whole family not so pronounced.
John,
I am a bit tardy getting to my e-mail after the holidays. I really enjoyed your message & I can relate to the missing of loved ones. My Thanksgiving memories from childhood are tied to my Aunt Annie – my Mom’s older sister. That was her time to shine! I still see my aunt in her glory on that day. Her house was packed, year in & year out. Aunt Annie is in her mid 90’s now & in her heart she wants to still cook for a zillion people but her body says no.
My “missing” is related to my first Thanksgiving away from home. I had to work the holiday, (my first year out of college- where you got all the holidays off) and I was living too far away from my hometown visit for dinner. I had a kind supervisor, Carl, who knew that I, as well as another coworker, had no plans for Thanksgiving dinner after work. He invited us for dinner. At the dinner was his elderly relative perhaps an uncle. When it came time to serve the pumpkin pie, if you wanted a dollop of whipped cream he would ask you “Do you want a Rosette?” I did not know what he meant, but in a rare spirit of adventure, I said yes. At this point he sticks his forefinger & thumb in the Cool Whip & twists it to make a “rosette”. Everyone got one whether you said yes or not. Now you may be disgusted with someone sticking their finger in your food but at that moment it was not only funny but he was communicating “you belong, you are welcome here, you are accepted here”.
I missed being with my earthly family that Thanksgiving but thanks to Carl’s Crazy Uncle I saw the accepting love of Christ demonstrated in a most unique way that day. I think “rosettes” are good for Christmas too!