My wife is my foremost critic when it comes to my writing and I am aware of a little dance I play with this. If I don’t want to have her look over something I’ve written it usually an indication it isn’t very good. Subconsciously I know that if I share it with her, she will confirm to me what I fear – that it isn’t very good – and I will have to do it over. On the other hand, when I want to share something with her, it usually means I don’t need to because I know it’s good.
Which leads me to one of the biggest mistakes of my life: Thinking that I am smarter than my wife.
Here’s why this is no good:
1) It’s not true. I’m not smarter than my wife; I merely think I am.
2) It wastes time. Think of all the times I’ve had to do something over because I didn’t listen to my wife in the first place. (Of course I knew better.)
3) It discounts another person – in this case it happens to be my wife – the last person I would want to discount. To devalue someone’s opinion is to devalue them.
4) I lose her valuable input. This is probably the most costly. Going it alone does just that.
Actually, it’s probably a good idea to not think of yourself as smarter than anyone. Then you can learn from everybody. Isn’t that a better way?
John Fischer The Catch 
AMEN.
Very glad to see someone else who deals with this. In my line of work, graphics, it really helps to have other eyes on your ideas, proofing, etc. Always you get a better product. My issues are more self-esteem, not thinking I’m really good enough, and knowing that will be reinforced by someone else. Reality is, that’s not the case, I’m fine at what I do. Not the best, but not the worst. Thus when others help, point out a logo that makes no sense, or fix a marketing blurb that is a little off, or points out a design flaw that I’ve stared at so long I didn’t even notice… well, it makes for a much better piece. And my husband is the best one to help with this. In my case, I hesitate when it’s someone other than him giving advice. Sigh…
I’ll completely agree w/ you, Brother John and yes there is a much better way. As u put it: “Actually, it’s probably a good idea to not think of yourself as smarter than anyone. Then you can learn from everybody.” Amen, I think and know even though I tend to disagree with him, Waitsel, often about the things he post here on the Catch – I know that I know, I need to humble myself and try to learn from his perceptive and let him have his opinions, very simple becauz i understand they are not a refelection of mine.
We just lost Waitsel as a Catch member.
(this is a bit long winded of me) Yet more then likely I’ll be added myself to the list of a lost Catch member. Very simply because how poorly things, I feel were handled on the discussion thread of “Who Sinned” I’ll sleep over it, yet doubt if anything may change from trying to get a good night of sleep after this mess. Because of being told and I quote: “I want you to do something about this. I’m not sure what…” This to me means, not trying to use any sort of people skills, by maybe trying to think about and consider my feeling, no just give me an order! Then when it’s been told the issue has been dealt with hours ago! Within minutes get another message saying how it’s my fault for putting an issue on a comment, yet I am informed it hasn’t even been read! “…would I guess explain everything (and I assume justify you) Well I haven’t read that and don’t need to. All that does is place blamed somewhere. What I care about is someone was offended enough to walk away. Not that we should run after everyone, but we should at least be sure we have done everything possible to reconcile a situation.”
When gosh darn it as I tried to explain I already offered and apology, to “reconcile” the situation! And the Holy Spirit had already dealt with me about the issue in a much better manner and long before I was sent an email telling me “to do something,” again with no use of common courtesy or any sort of people skills and consideration of my feelings in the matter, but just told “to do” – yet it was again meantioned again an apology was offered – and to stop playing the Holy Spirit. Now most people with a average IQ, simply understand when an apology is offered it’s the responsiblity of the parties it is offered to, if they have one ounce of communication skills, maturity and Christian principles to either accept it, or reject it and seeing how I have not been informed either way – I am totally and completely disgusted with how poorly in my opioin this has been handled and why minutes after a reply to an email telling about I already offered an apology, I again need to be straight out, yet I don’t hear anything after I offered an honest apology. Isn’t that sooo kind and gentlemanly and Christ like..?
Thank God another person took the time to let know, how easily they could see I was attempting to try and show some good Christian character by at least writing an apology and therefore a few others have let me know, they maybe leaving too (or is it jus the mouse in my pocket telling me that) and can easily understand the reason I felt a need to leave ANY knowledge I may or may not have of people skills, when replying to a few emails that were sent to me, yet not on a public discussion board, simply because the issue had already been dealt with on this public discussion board in attepmts to use some sort of people skills and for some reason either stubbornness or laziness: “Well I haven’t read that and don’t need to.” When most fair minded people simply understand they need to know the FULLY story before casting some sort of judgment and giving what I now take as arsine, thoughtless and careless orders, which may lead to me feeling a need to bow out of here, some what less gracefully then I ever thought, yet know I said my peace about this issue and the carelessness in which I feel it was handled!
Man, do I agree with you – on all points. It is hard for me to embrace others imput sometimes, though I am not sure I have put it in the same context you did today. Maybe this will help me do better. I unsually am so afraid of others judgement of my written work…odd that I struggle with this in my line of work. As far as me sharing work with my wife or thinking I am smarter….I have learned the hard way, she is WAY smarter than I am. Thanks for the great thoughts John.
Great observation–I know my wife is smarter than me in many ways–God gave me two ears and one mouth–I should listen twice as much as I talk–My dad was a carpenter and one of his favorite sayings was “measure twice, cut once.” I think of this saying at times when I think I am right–measure my thought twice before I say (or blurt) out a response.
Excellent!
Wish you would remind us each and every day….listening and learning….a much better way! Thank you!
John, brother, you may have already thought of this… Substitute God everywhere in that post that you’re talking about your wife, and you just described one of my bigger problems than how I think of my wife (which is certainly much the same as what you’ve written)… And perhaps most of our situations when it comes to thinking our own ways and opinions and plans and ethics and timing much better than God’s. Oh, my, as always, you’re even more on the mark than I realize at first…
Ouch!
This is one of those Truths that, for us macho men, is hard to swallow. But once you do, you have a renewed appreciation for the proverb “even a fool seems wise when he keeps his mouth shut! Understanding the truth that we don’t know everything (because we don’t) will also help us remain in the teachable mode for the rest of our lives. Very well put John! Thanks!
Haha! That has to be the funniest thing I’ve read all week. So funny because its true. lol
I totally know that feeling. No don’t read it!
What a fool I am in those moments.