What happens when you walk in a roomful of people? A lot of this depends on our personalities. If you are my daughter, you fill it up with lots of bright flashing colors. Someone else might sneak in quietly and blend in. Still others might hang on the outside.
One of our readers remarked about how her mere presence in a room used to bust up conversations—conversations would cease or change direction when she came into the group—something she was actually proud of until God told her otherwise. “I thought that such activity revealed the fact that everyone knew that I stood for Jesus and they were ashamed of their conversation.” Then she revealed how recently, God had spoken something else to her: “That’s not righteousness they were responding to, but self-righteousness. When you entered the room they felt judgment and condemnation.” Ouch…
What do people think when you walk in the room? One sure way to be welcomed into any conversation is to be a good listener. Learn to listen without bias or judgment. Be excellent at asking questions, and ask, not to gain a footing or steer the conversation in a certain direction. Ask just to find out, because you care about someone.
Some of the best advice in this area comes from the Danny DeVito character in the movie The Big Kahuna when he is talking to a rookie salesman on a business trip. “If you want to talk to somebody honestly, as a human being, ask him about his kids. Find out what his dreams are—just to find out, for no other reason.”
People will trust you if you are a good listener. It’s the opposite of what you might think. Trust is not built on knowledge and information (something you communicate when you talk), it’s built on love and caring (something you communicate when you listen). And you show that you are listening and caring by asking question upon question—each question based on a deeper probe into the answer of the previous one. Or another way to think about it is to find something in an answer about which you can ask another question. You will be amazed at how deep this can go.
John Fischer The Catch 
This Catch came at a good time. Last night we watched the movie “Hidden Secrets.” One of the characters is an “in your face” Christian. The room always emptied when she entered. At the end of the movie all of her friends, and her husband, tell her about her attitude- and she agrees. They were mostly Christians with the exception of John Schneider’s character. At the end, even he agrees that Jesus seems to be the only way. This is a good family movie made in 2006. Thanks for all that you do, John.
John – you are right on about listening and asking questions. Once we start to really listen, we become really aware of the fact that most people like to talk more than they listen. But when we are listened to, we feel valued. Jesus was always asking questions.
Thanks for reminding us to listen, and ask more questions to go deeper, instead of jumping in with our own story or opinion. Let’s make our conversations about the other person – not about us! It transforms relationships!
God bless you for your faithfulness in providing us with thought provoking devotionals in our inbox every morning!
What a lesson. I guess I wasn’t really listening last night..I need to jump in there with questions to find out – really find out about the person because I care.
Your description of one of your readers “bringing condemnation and judgement” into the room she entered because she was known as “one who stood for Jesus”, is a little too “broad-brushed” in my opinion. When I first came to Christ over 40 yrs. ago while reading the Gospels in my desire to find the Truth, I came under severe “condemnation and judgement” (some would call it conviction) as I finally “got it” finishing up the Gospel of John. The awareness of my sinful life in the light of Jesus and what He did for me on the cross put me on my face before God weeping like a boy caught in my guilt. I was alone… no one to impress. The guilt, condemnation, conviction of sin, and fear of judgement by God Almighty was what brought me to the honest point of repentance that swept over me. This was couched in the love, and forgivness, and promise of life by Jesus. Without knowledge of one’s depravity in the light of God’s holiness, one cannot fully appreciate the Cross and all that it means. It is sometimes quite uncomfortable being a believer in Jesus. That cross is heavy sometimes. “Friends” change alliegence, and the road gets rough along the way. But “condemnation and guiltiness” is part of God’s toolbox to work on our thick hearts to get in. It’s not all happiness and flowers out there. Every believer must realize this and be willing to accept the rejection and pain that oftentimes goes hand in hand with truly “standing for Jesus”. Stephan found this out under the rocks….. the Baptist at the edge of a blade…. Paul, in all his sufferings in all the places he travelled to preaching the good news…. all had nothing but good intentions for their hearers…. to be saved from their sins. The “guilt and condemnation” was from the Holy Spirit. This was God’s plan from the beginning for the spreading of the Gospel by those who found salvation to those who needed it. Be careful how you portray the need we all have to repent of our sins because we are guilty of them until we turn from them towards Christ. What this world needs right now is a little more conciousness of guilt and condemnation to grasp the Cross in real truth. Being a “tool” bringing this awareness will win you no popularity awards; no fan club accolades; and probably not much financial support. But it might bring some brothers and sisters to fellowship with in Spirit and Truth together. Being “one who stands for Jesus” entails much growing in Spirit, and to be sure self-righteousness has to go……. but such is the nature of being born again and growing up in Christ. Ralph Gaily
This catch is timely. I have a neighbor I have befriended (her name is Kelli). She is a dancer at a strip club. I have listened to many of her stories and wondered what to say how to bring something Christian into the conversation (something that I had been taught to do in past churches. Funny thing is I had nothing of spiritual guidance for her all I had was a listening ear. Hmmm now maybe the ear is a very spiritual thing and I never knew it lol. I have been her friend for a year now and prayed that God would bring someone into her life to love her for who she is. Funny thing is it’s a guy that does security at her work. He tells her all the time that he is praying for her. Just last weekend she shared a very hard thing with him. She gave up 2 kids when they were 2 and 4 to be raised by their grandpa. She knew they were in a bad invirnment and needed a better life. She was looking down while telling him her story and he grabbed her face and made her look at him and he had tears in his eyes. She shared all of this with me a day after all of this transpired, I shared with her how I had been praying for her too and prayed specifically for a guy she was like well he answered that one. She was like I just don’t know what to do how to react all my walls are down. I said maybe you can pray. She looked at me with a smile and said maybe so. I suggested the serenity prayer just to get her open to prayer. Hmmm some
Christians probably would thing oh honey that was the perfect time to take her thru the four spiritual laws. I’d say they were wrong. She needed tenderness and the love of Jesus to surround her on all sides and then she can accept Jesus. All she has seen from Christians is judgement. All she needs is love.
Yes, and it looks like she’s getting it.