A couple weeks ago, when we were encouraging one another to call someone we lost track of before losing that opportunity altogether to the natural processes of life and death, Steve, one of our readers, sent me the following comment:
I called my dad who is an atheist. I haven’t had a real conversation in several years because I felt like we had nothing in common. I also have been really mad about his belief, or lack thereof. We talked for an hour or two. We never argued about faith but I did take the time to listen. He also listened to me. I am not trying to tell him what to believe, I am just telling what God has done and is doing in my life. I have shared my last two mission trips with him and I plan on sharing the two trips I will be going on this year. I am not saying we are both on the same page, but at least we are talking again.
There will always be a strong desire and need among Christian believers to emphasize what makes us different from those who aren’t Christians. We need to learn to resist this practice. Though it may come from good intentions, it almost always sets us up for Pharisaical attitudes and behavior that separates us from the very people we need to be close to like Steve and his dad.
I can’t think of anyone who should have more in common than a man and his father. Think of the genes, the background, the environment, the people they know, the things they like to do, and unless they have been separated most of their lives, these would all be the same. Yet we have the tendency to think that if our faith isn’t the same, we have nothing in common.
Yes, we are spiritual beings, and what we believe, spiritually, can be considered central to everything else in our lives, but not at the expense of what makes us human. We are human beings as well.
Being “different” is a dangerous shortcut to spiritual pride.
1) It happens only in our minds.
2) It divides (Steve and his atheist father hadn’t had a real conversation in several years).
3) It puts spirituality on a measurable plain. This is the most tempting part. We long to see that our Christianity has made changes in our lives, but if those changes are only artificial or they only exist in our minds, then they are merely a means of positioning ourselves above others – a very bad place to be, indeed.
Here’s the cool thing: Steve and his father are talking again, and assuming that his father is still pretty much the same guy he was over the last few years when they weren’t talking, it appears what changed was in Steve’s head. He’s going back to what he has in common with his father instead of trying to raise differences all the time.
Yes, we long to be different, but those differences are not up to us to determine or even be aware of. We need to focus on what makes us the same as everyone else, and let God be in charge of what makes us different.
Maybe it won’t be anything at all, so He can show up and be Himself.
John Fischer The Catch 
John, mind if I copy and paste this to my blog? I’ll put the link to your page on it.
….and so when do the words of Jesus, recorded in Matthew 10:34-38, override your instructions to “focus on what makes us the same as everyone else”? If a man is truly born again, is he truly the same as everyone else? If the “ekklesia”, the Church, is “that which is called out”, it doesn’t make us pharisaical, or prideful, or positioned above others as you warn….. but we are definitely different…..and we have been called out. Our priorities begin to take a very different direction don’t you think John? Discernment begins to do its work as we see things as they really are…. in the light. Some people will hear and believe…. and others will reject the Gospel. We only have so many Pearls to throw out there before we are to move on to other ground. Would you please give a list of some of the literature you are reading which has brought about your particular way of thinking regarding these issues. …..maybe some authors and titles.
“Called-out,” is one thing; “better than” is another, and so far in my experience in the church and my understanding of myself, when I make a big deal out of the first one it’s very hard to avoid the second.
A very good devotional for pondering. Steve’s experience with his father is very similar to that of me and my mother. She was probably more of an agnostic than an atheist, but for years I wrestled encouraging mom to engage in a meaningful relationship with Jesus. It got to the point where we did not speak to each other, and it hurt when she once said she could not believe we were biologically related. It took time for me to realize that despite my good intentions, there were serious flaws in me. I admit doing a poor job of representing Jesus, and if I had pushed this issue further, we probably would have permanently severed the relationship. Fortunately Mom is in a much better place in her life now. I believe that prayers were answered fully. But the changes in her had very little to do with me. As we are both getting older, Mom and I now have more meaningful conversation than ever, and I am fortunate to benefit from her wisdom. We don’t have to agree, and I don’t have to be right. I now approach relationships very differently – I let God do the calling out.