Our son, Christopher, had a problem. He has more good friends than a wedding party can handle. He’s an easy-going guy who makes loyal friends wherever he goes, so that his wedding brought friends from all the different periods of his life, from high school, from college, from working on an ambulance, and from a three-year stint in Missouri working for a sports marketing firm. It’s one of his best qualities that makes for an unusually long line of groomsmen. As it was, he ended up with ten not including his best man (who turned out to be his best woman – his sister – but that’s another story), and that meant not including a contingency of four guys from Missouri who came anyway with their wives.
At the rehearsal luncheon on Saturday, I invited friends of the bride and groom to tell stories on Christopher and Beth, not realizing that some of those stories would reflect on us as parents, and on our home, and on the way we raised Christopher. One of those things involved a decision we made to have an open home and to enthusiastically welcome all of our children’s friends, even those we might not like or might not want to have around.
This is one of the most difficult challenges as parents: you want to control the friends your children choose because you realize that peers are one of the most powerful influences on a child growing up, and yet, you can’t control everything nor can you make all their choices for them. (This, by the way, is one of the main reasons for Christian schools, and in my opinion can be even more dangerous, because kids from Christian homes are often only hypocritically Christian, a state worse than not being Christian at all, but that’s another story, too.)
Marti was the major proponent of the open-door policy that often clashed with my desire to have an acceptable Christian home more for the sake of my reputation than anything. Marti won out, and I must say it all came back to us this weekend as we heard from Christopher’s long-term friends — the most memorable comment being, “We always knew that if we could just get to the Fischers, everything would be alright.”
I can’t think of a greater compliment or a better reason to salute my wife for making the right call on this one. What better place to display the mystery of a Christian marriage than a home where everyone knows they are safe?
Did we work at this? Did we know that these kinds of observations were being made? Did we know that Christopher’s friends were tucking away memories in their minds that would have a positive effect on the way they would operate their own homes and that would ultimately shape the conclusions they would make about Christ and His love for us as His bride? No, we were just trying to be what we thought was right. God did the rest.
John Fischer The Catch 
Wow – having an open home where all are welcome – thank goodness I had one of those to go to in my informative years. You and Marti have carried on with that – both by sharing your family with us, and once again with The Catch – where you’re open door policy welcomes all, not just Christians. This is a safe place to go for everyone.. Thank you for this…
Yes, I’ll 2nd what Kathy wrote: “…The Catch – where you’re open door policy welcomes all, not just Christians. This is a safe place to go for everyone.. Thank you for this…” and add a big Amen too! 🙂
Very inspirational. I agree with Kathy and Mark
John, I agree with the open door policy and showing Christ’s love to the whole world and getting involve outside the “christian” bubble. I have to disagree with one statement you made though about christian schools. You said that christian schools are often full of christian hypocrites. Christian schools as well as churches and anything christian are not perfect because they are full of redeemed sinners but sinners that aren’t perfect nor will they be til Jesus comes again. I send my children to christian schools for a few important reasons….. first so that they can see and be taught the God is in everything (including subjects friends work play and natured) as you said in a recent commentary which is the reformed theology. We need to instill this in our children. Second to take this knowledge and take it into the world to bring the knowledge and love of this into the hurting people including the friends both christian and non that they interact with daily. I realize that we can keep ourselves isolated and feel better than those in public education but I can say I see Christ’s redemption daily in my children’s lives and those they spread it too.
This was more an observation than a criticism. In an environment where everyone is expected to believe there will undoubtedly be a level of superficiality in those who might not care about their faith in another environment.
A great testimony! (But to touch on one of those “other stories” … my son-in-law was once a “bridesmaid” to a very good friend of his from his growing-up days. This may become more common!)
God ALWAYS does the rest. We just need to let Him.
We all need a safe place at some time(s) in our lives. It’s wonderful that your children’s friends felt they had that in your home (and I’m sure you’ll continue the policy with Chandler). How special that Chris’s friends shared their feelings with you.
I’m sure they could also feel and see the evidence of your faith. What a special way to be “the fragrance of Christ”!