I woke up this morning with a thought I haven’t had before. I woke up thinking how hard it is for Christian parents to think about their kids as non-Christians. I speak at a lot of Christian colleges to Christian kids who never had an opportunity to be anything else. It’s probably why so many of them either struggle with their faith or throw it off later in life. It’s because their parents always thought they were Christians. I’m a Christian; of course my kids are going to be Christians. I’ll shoot them if they aren’t. They never affirmed them first as human beings with a free will, possession of their own soul, and with inalienable rights you would affirm for anyone (except maybe your own kids).
And that kind of thinking led to other thoughts — thoughts that should be helpful to you even if you are not a parent.
If there’s something about the way I think about or treat non-Christians that is unhealthy or inappropriate for my own children then there is something wrong about the way I think about and treat non-Christians. Similarly, I can probably get some pointers about how to think about and treat non-Christians by thinking how I would treat them if they were my own children.
So what would that look like?
Well, first and foremost, if my kids were non-Christians, I would have to learn to love them unconditionally. That goes without saying. Of course not every parent can do this, but that’s at least the ideal. You love them. You love them if they get in trouble and go to jail. You love them if they get pregnant or get somebody pregnant. You love them if they do drugs. You love them if they sneak out at night. You love them if they do poorly in school. You love them if they become somebody you don’t like. You love them no matter what, and nothing they can say or do will ever change that.
Secondly, you affirm them for who they are. They are their own unique persons. They are not extensions of you because they bear your name. You don’t force them to become something they are not; you find out who they are and help them to become more of that. If your son wants to become an auto mechanic you don’t send him to law school. You do whatever you can to help him become the best auto mechanic in town.
Third, you affirm their search. You don’t expect them to walk and talk like Christians when they are not yet Christians. You affirm what they think. You find out what that is instead of forcing or assuming your thoughts on them. You give credibly to the path they have chosen even if you wouldn’t choose it for yourself.
Fourth, you treat their belief — whatever they believe — as one of their most valued possessions. You guard their own soul as something to be prized, and you help them keep their soul free.
And finally, you pray for them like hell. You know you can’t make them a Christian; it’s going to have to come from their heart, and you have nothing to do with their heart. But God does. So you pray like hell.
Hopefully you understand that this Catch is not about how to treat your kids. It’s about how to treat your neighbors. I can’t tell you how to be a better parent because I’m barely hanging on at the job. Go to BetterDads.net to find out more about that, or listen to our archived radio interview with Rick Johnson. But do take these thoughts and apply them to your neighbors, friends, and coworkers who are not believers, at least not yet. If you give them this kind of love, respect and support for who they are, they will be much more likely to become Christians than if you beat them over the head with your own belief, or worse yet, with a Bible.
John Fischer The Catch 
Morning…..I read your post everyday in my eamil box and love the way you see things. Thanks for sharing. I have never left a comment before but this is something very near my heart. You might very well have a child that is a christian ( be it inmature ) who does try drugs, does get pregnant, does end up in jail………none of those acts makes them non-christian. i know cause i have a granddaughter from my 18 yr old daughter. and man she does love God she is just young in her walk. And it’s been in the midst of the hard times where she has grown and helped me on my way as well. I don’t think you meant that any of those acts makes someone non christian but that is how it looked from my view point and with kindness i thought you would want to know. thanks.
Thank you for pointing this out because that is NOT what I meant. I meant to purposely bring up undesirable behaviors that challenge our love. No behavior is outside the grace of God. He is with the delinquent as much as He is with the youth group leader.
I needed to read that– some struggles with one of our children. I need to remember that God loves them more than I do and He’ll keep them. It’s hard to believe that “what I believe is right and you have to believe it to” isn’t necessarily so!
Between us we have 4 daughters. All brought up (by us and by the oldest two’s mother) to be church-going, active youth group members. Of the 4, only one (the oldest) attends church with her family. The next oldest has our oldest grand child (who has always been firmly tied to the Lord) – but they do not attend church, nor do they make sure that their son has the opportunity to go to church. The next one was in church every time the doors opened; was president of her youth group; was in a Christian sorority in college; but married an “unchurched” young man. They do not attend church. Our youngest is still unmarried and does not attend church. They all believe in God and routinely request that I put friends on our prayer chain at our church. I pray that one day the Lord will lead each of them back to him. I have seen miracles happen within our family, and pray that I am blessed enough to see this happen also! Our 3 sons-in-law are great men, loving husbands and wonderful dads. We are blessed that each of our girls have found loving partners. Now if the Lord could just work on “my timetable” instead of His!!!
I am the father of four very independent thinking children. All four are as differant as the seasons here in the Northwest. Each have their own approach to God and away from God. My youngest is 13 and so they are all off on their own journey. I have always gotten both flack and praise for the way my wife and I have allowed our kids to find their own way. I do have a tendency to criticize my children more than I ever would a stranger or friend but they know that I love them. Now I let them know that this is “my opinion and that they can take it or leave it” but I feel I have a right as their parent to help them “think” about the way they are choosing to live.. I do get different responses from all of them but they do think about it and at times have affirmed my thoughts. They are great kids.I believe that God has given me this opportunity to .