Those toilet paper blues


I came home from the local grocery store the other day with a big 20-roll package of toilet paper. I figured I’d made a score. I didn’t even question the brand; I didn’t have a choice. It was the only thing available, and after getting used to seeing these shelves empty, I felt compelled to get it. There were only a handful of packages left and we were down to two rolls at home. The only thing I was uneasy about was the unfamiliar brand. It was the store’s parent company generic brand, and I’ve been generally pretty happy with that for other products. Besides, we’re in a pandemic, I reasoned; gotta take what you can get when you can get it.

As it turns out, this stuff might be good for TP-ing someone’s house but that’s about it.

Have you ever started unrolling a new roll of toilet paper and wondered why it was so thin until you realized you had only 1-ply of a 2-ply paper? I immediately thought this was the case when I started the first roll, until I examined it carefully and found out, no, this was it. Good gosh, I can see through this! This stuff is about as absorbent as tissue paper. Marti calls it prison TP. I don’t know how she knows that because she’s never been to prison, but I imagine she’s probably right. Actually, prison TP might be a little better than this.

This, and wearing a mask to walk into a store, and staying six feet away from anybody, and Facetiming my grandchildren (when they’re only 45 minutes away), and having no baseball games to follow — if this is as bad as it gets, I should be thankful.

Last night we got hacked with pornography during our international Bible Study via zoom. I’d heard about this happening but was unprepared for what to do. Marti prayed against Satan and the powers of darkness and then she started preaching the gospel to these people while I frantically tried to shut them down. I was annoyed at the disruption, embarrassed for our guests, and flustered because I couldn’t do anything to stop it. Marti, on the other hand, rose to the occasion and took over in the Spirit of the Lord. I think she was actually excited about something from the real world crashing in on our neat controlled environment. Marti has always been one to be more concerned about the lost sheep than the ones who are already in the fold. I tried to shut these people down; Marti just took it as it came. And after we got off and came back on, three other unidentified people came back on and actually stayed for a while without interrupting. For all we know, they were curious and listening in.

This abrupt change in lifestyle we’re all going through has got to be putting us in touch with more people, or at least different people from those we were in touch with before. Like Marti, we just need to show up and join the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is not on lockdown. Wherever we are, the Holy Spirit is among us doing His work. All we need to do is show up.

Meanwhile, I’ve got these 19 rolls of tissue paper to deal with. I was thinking about finding a brand I can trust and tossing them. Marti was shocked that I would even consider that due to my frugal German ancestry. “And lose $12.99?” Then I thought of donating them to the homeless. Marti said nothing doing. If we’re buying TP for the homeless, we buy them the best. Why should that have surprised me after insisting on only the best for the women of Isaiah House?

In the end, I have decided to keep the TP and use it. I was going to save it for an emergency and then I realized: What am I thinking? We’re in an emergency now. So that every time I encounter this flimsy paper, I’ll think of and pray for those whose handle on life is a flimsy one due to this virus, and ask God to be merciful to them and bring them salvation. And for those with nothing better to do than crash our Bible study with porn, that the Lord might reach them, too.

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5 Responses to Those toilet paper blues

  1. Sandie says:

    If the state park campgrounds open back up, we have an RV trip planned for next month. I just happen to be in the market for 1 ply TP to use on our 5th wheel…
    Seriously John, thank you for bringing a little levity into this serious situation! I know I needed it!
    God bless you and Marti – and those bible study crashers – they heard what the Spirit wanted them to hear.

  2. John A Fagliano says:

    What I learned from this Catch:
    Marti preaches the Gospel to hackers who crash a Bible study with pornography.
    You pray for people in need while sitting on the toilet.

    This is why I love the catch! God bless you both.

  3. Sandie and John — thank you for making my day. John, why you love the Catch made me laugh-out-loud. Thank you both. mart

  4. Mark D Seguin says:

    I just love gorgeous Marti and the Matiiesms from earlier this week of what she may say to you Pastor John if you were in the ER dying from Covovid virus, if you don’t get better John I’ll kill you. To the Prison TP, LOL

    Thx Marti for just being you and who you are! Love you!

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