We know a friend of the Catch who requested prayer as he traveled to watch his father die — and how he thought it would be a time fraught with turmoil for him, because of unresolved issues between his dad and himself.
Our friend wrote us afterward about the role that gratitude played in his dealing with his father’s death. First, he quoted Henri Nouwen who said something of value regarding death of a close family member. The fact that no love appeared lost between these two men doesn’t take away from the reality of these feelings.
People we love become part of us. Our thinking, feeling and acting are co-determined by them: Our fathers, our mothers, our husbands, our wives, our lovers, our children, our friends … they are all living in our hearts. When they die a part of us has to die too. That is what grief is about: It is that slow and painful departure of someone who has become an intimate part of us. When Christmas, the New Year, a birthday or anniversary comes, we feel deeply the absence of our companion. We sometimes have to live at least a whole year before our hearts have fully said good-bye and the pain of our grief recedes. But as we let go of them they become part of our “members” and as we “re-member” them, they become our guides on our spiritual journey.
The greatest gift we can offer our families and friends is the gift of gratitude. Gratitude sets them free to continue their lives without bitterness or self-recrimination. It is possible for you, me and him.
In fact, I think there is something to the idea of Gratitude toward a parent who has simply failed and erred and caused pain and evil with their existence, and who because of death or fixity will never turn around.
But whatever evil and lack they have unleashed on the world, they took the gamble of life — brought us into existence and perhaps did one or two other things toward sending us alive into the future. If we loathe our lives and ourselves, then we will loathe them, and if we loathe them, we are loathing ourselves. If we stop the cycle then what remains is what remains. Here we are, there they are (or were), and the fact that we are alive is something. A root gratitude for existing is necessary for anything Good to happen to anyone.
So, yes. I think it is possible that at the end of a certain process, it is nearly inevitable, I think, to have a very basic root of gratitude. Not perhaps grounds for throwing a party, but valuable nonetheless.
John Fischer The Catch 
I can attest to the reality that those we love truly own a piece of our heart. I lost that piece earlier this year, and the pain is emotional, mental, spiritual, and even physical. Living through it hasn’t gotten easier, in fact, it grows harder every day.
I have been through some of those ‘big’ ‘firsts’ already…Valentines Day (our first date), our kids’ birthdays, his birthday, Easter, Father’s Day…and so many more to come. That’s not counting the ‘little’ ones…the fabric of our everyday lives that occurs every day.
Gratitude? I know I am, but I can’t feel it yet. I am grateful for a God who tells me that’s okay. And for friends that echo that sentiment. Should I make that list of 100 things I am grateful for? I don’t think I am up to it yet. The following thoughts I wrote down in my bible sum up where I am right now…
“I am not lonely; I am alone.”
“How do I let you go..without letting you go?”
“I live in the house we built..but the home we built together left with you.”
“I’m waiting for him to come home, for him to walk into the room..when in truth, he’s waiting for me to come home.”
Some advice for those who still delight in their loved one’s presence..let them know that you do. Say it, write it down. Don’t miss an opportunity to say ‘thank you.’ Don’t be too proud to say, ‘I’m sorry.’
I have found poems and notes Bobby wrote to me and about me. His love leaps from the page and embraces me. I am grateful for them.
Thank you for listening.
My Mom is in her last days she is eighty-eight years and still knows who we are and has memories. I know she will be with God soon. She is the one who explained to me about being saved thru Jesus Christ making that commitment to follow him each day. I will never forget that and the gratitude is forever. Take care, God Bless, and have a great day.
“Gratitude is forever.” Well said!
Joseph, when he was betrayed by his brothers, must have experienced all of the emotions of having been despised, rejected, abandoned, and regarded as less than a forgotten corpse.
The process for him to “recover” (if you will) took decades but his childhood faith grew up with him.
Did he ever have an inkling that he would see his father and family again?
And, if so, what sort of revenge or restoration did he plan over those years?
We know the outcome of that story.
In the end, the descendant’s of his brothers took Joseph’s bones home to the Promised Land.
It ended with gratitude, for God had something in the works that no one foresaw.
Jesus, when He was betrayed by his friends, must have experienced all of the emotions of having been despised, rejected, abandoned, and regarded as less than a forgotten corpse.
The process for Him to “recover” (if you will) took three days in a tomb because He is the Author of faith.
Did He ever have an inkling that He would not see His Father and family again?
Probably so because He was meant to live through all experiences common to mortals. However, I can’t help but wonder if He didn’t want to retaliate in some way – yet, His Faith and Love and Blood prevailed over His emotions.
We know the outcome of that story.
It ends with gratitude, for God had something in the works that no one (apart from some prophets and Jesus Himself) foresaw.
Some of us can relate to Joseph’s sufferings although, I suspect, many more of us can relate to his brothers’ attitudes and actions.
We have been given a great gift and seventy-times-seven opportunities to make things right between ourselves, others, and God.
Even though we may not foresee the outcome, we can know for certain that gratitude and joy are in the works for us.
Life can be difficult and confusing. We don’t see God’s plan. But we must learn a lesson (or several lessons) and have faith in God, even when it doesn’t make sense or seems impossible.
Keep the faith! Let God know you trust Him even as you don’t see the outcome.
And, remember to give Him thanks for the obvious and not-so-obvious.
He is your Sustainer throughout this day He has made.
Shalom, Peace…
🙂
Thank you, Bob. Your posts are much appreciated!
As are yours, John and Marti.
Thank you.
Shalom, Peace…
🙂