Returning Respect to the Women in My Life — Part 4

Men, I need to say this plainly: for too long, I thought I was “good enough” in my relationships. I showed up. I was polite. I did what was expected. On the surface, everything looked fine. But if you asked the women in my life, they’d tell you something was missing.

And they’d be right.

Because the truth is, when I live exclusively in my head, I can keep a conversation going, but it’s not going to make a connection.

The Lies We’ve Been Taught

Traditional Christianity often frames faith in terms of avoiding sin and following rules, which can lead to a fear-based relationship with God rather than one rooted in trust, grace, and action. This focus on intellectual understanding and behavioral control leaves men like me hesitant to step into the unknown, where true transformation happens. Here’s what I think:

Most of us grew up inside a system that taught us to see women primarily as sexual beings — “mothers,” “Madonnas,” or “temptations.” We were trained to fear that if we opened our hearts to women, we’d lose sexual control. So instead of learning how to be vulnerable, we built walls. And we called it wisdom.

But it wasn’t wisdom. It was fear, mistrust, and self-protection dressed up in religious clothing.

And here’s what that did to women: it told them we couldn’t be trusted. That we were irresponsible. That we would always stay behind walls.

And when women live long enough in that imbalance, something happens: they stop giving. They stop risking. They stop waiting for us to meet them in the vulnerability they’ve already offered.

The result? Hardened hearts on both sides. No giving from the heart. And if the heart is hardened, the Holy Spirit has no room to move. No life. No action. Nothing.

Head-Based Relationships Stay Shallow

This is exactly what head-based living produces:

     I ask questions to keep the peace, not to truly listen.
     I give advice instead of giving presence.
     I measure what is safe to say instead of speaking from the heart.

And the confession I have to make is this: that kind of living doesn’t honor women. It doesn’t show respect. It leaves them feeling unseen, unheard, and unloved.

We may not mean to do it, but by staying in our heads, we do it anyway.

Heart-Based Relationships Go Deep

But when I begin letting God’s Word settle into my heart, everything shifts.

The heart doesn’t calculate. It connects. It doesn’t hold people at a distance — it leans in. It doesn’t treat women as problems to solve or roles to manage — it treats them as fellow image-bearers of Christ, worthy of dignity and honor.

Scripture gives husbands a clear call: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). That’s not shallow. That’s not about control. That’s about deep, sacrificial, heart-level love.

And it applies beyond marriage, too. Every woman in the Body of Christ deserves to be treated with that kind of respect — seen, heard, and lifted up.

A Call to Drop the Walls

So here’s my confession:

Too often, I gave women the surface version of myself because I was afraid of what it would mean to open my heart.

And here’s my promise:

I will no longer confuse vulnerability with temptation. I will no longer buy the lie that women are out to seduce me, or that I have to keep my distance to stay “righteous.” I will learn to see women as Christ does — with dignity, with honor, and with trust.

Because here’s the truth, men: if we stay in our heads, hiding behind fear and walls, our hearts will harden. And when our hearts harden, the Spirit cannot work in us.

But if we move into the heart — if we learn to listen, connect, respect, and love, and are willing to be vulnerable — then our relationships deepen. Women are honored. Christ is reflected. And the Holy Spirit breathes life back into us.

Men, this is the decision before us: do we keep living shallow, guarded lives, or do we risk stepping into heart-led, Spirit-filled living?

I don’t want shallow anymore. I want to live with the kind of heart that reflects Jesus — the kind that sees, listens, and loves. Because when we move out of our heads and into our hearts, respect is no longer just an idea. It becomes a reality that women can accept with gratitude.