Closer to the love of God

Waiting for the prodigal.

Waiting for the prodigal.

Sandie, in a prayer request letter, gave us the ultimate challenge as representatives of the Gospel of Welcome. She wrote: “What role are we playing in the lives of those around us – from our closest loved ones to the merest acquaintance? Do we bring them closer to the love of God, or are we leaving them swinging helplessly in the winds of life?”

I can tell Sandie is intense, can’t you? And thank God she is, because she has offered us something truly valuable to focus on: Bringing everyone around us closer to the love of God. That is a Gospel of Welcome mandate. It is grace turned outward. God has not poured His grace out on us simply to have us apply it to ourselves and be content. He has poured His grace out on us that we might extend that grace to everyone around us, as Sandie says, “from our closest loved ones to the merest acquaintance.”

How do we do that? We do it in 101 different ways, but here are a few things to focus on.

First: Don’t judge; empathize.   As our Grace Turned Outward video suggests, we put ourselves in other people’s shoes and try to imagine what they see, hear and feel. We empathize with them. Instead of judging them, we try and understand them.

Indeed, the situation that brought Sandie to this conclusion was the case that has gotten a lot of attention lately on the Internet about the woman with brain cancer who moved to Oregon so she could legally take her life rather than continue to suffer. The decision to empathize in the situation rather than judge can rule in our hearts, even if we believe what someone is doing is wrong.

Think about it this way. Two people might believe what this woman did was wrong, but take entirely different approaches to dealing with her. (By the way, I’m not suggesting that she was wrong – that’s another discussion for another time – I am only taking a point of view for the sake of making another point.) One might simply judge her for doing what they think is the wrong thing. The other might try to get into her shoes and imagine how bad her life must be in order to bring her to this decision. Which one is bringing the love of God to this woman? If you were the woman dying, which one for these people would you want around you?

Second: Don’t convict; convince.   We remember how God’s grace first came to us – how it dawned on us that we were loved and forgiven in spite of ourselves – and give that same love and forgiveness to the next person, whether or not they know Jesus. It is not our job to convict people of sin; the Holy Spirit does that, and He doesn’t need our help. It is our job to convince them of God’s love and forgiveness by showing them the same.

Third: Don’t tell; show.   For decades, the emphasis among evangelical Christians has been on the message of the gospel. Everything with non-Christians was always focused on one event: that moment when you share the gospel with someone to try to get them to pray with you and receive Christ. That’s what it’s all been about. Nothing about how we treat people, whether or not we love them, or whether we identify with them as sinners. Nothing. The only thing that counts is sharing the gospel. And once you’ve done that, you’re pretty much done with that person, especially if they refuse the gospel. Might as well send them on to Sodom and Gomorrah.

There will come a time for telling – it may be you or it may be someone else who does it – but that is just a moment in time. The rest of the time is all about showing, and showing is what Sandie refers to when she asks, “Do we bring them closer to the love of God, or are we leaving them swinging helplessly in the winds of life?”

You bring someone closer to the love of God by loving them with the love of God. The same way God loves us, unconditionally, no questions asked. When it comes to show and tell, this love “shows” much better than it “tells.” Showing love creates an environment for the telling, so that when it’s time to tell, it’s no big deal. It’s telling someone about what they have already experienced.

Since we started with Sandie, I thought it would be appropriate to end with her.

“In a few weeks we will celebrate Thanksgiving. We need to determine now, and for the rest of our lives, that we will live those lives so that people will give thanks for knowing you and me. We need to bring the life and light of Christ wherever we go. We must freely extend the grace that was so freely given to you and me. We can’t be late in loving, because eventually … it will be too late.”

In the meantime, why don’t you write and tell us how you bring people around you closer to the love of God. Let’s encourage one another with some stories of grace turned outward.

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The Gospel of Welcome and being in the Catch community have sort of turned my life around, but it is the Prayer Warriors of the Catch community that have truly affected my life. I thank and praise God daily for the people who don’t know me but are praying for me. Also I thank God daily for John and Marti and their willingness to do what God is telling them not hanging on to conventional wisdom, as others do. They don’t play it safe, they follow God’s leading.

God Bless,

Dan

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No Longer Frumpy

th-14“I should have known you guys were Christians,” said a customer in a dress shop to Marti, Anne and me yesterday afternoon.

The first part of this story I missed because I had left the two most important women in my life among the boutique shops of Laguna while I went to pick up Chandler from a friend’s house. It had been a wonderful day together: church, followed by a long brunch, and a little walk around town on a crystal clear sunny fall day in southern California – the air sparkling from the first rain since last spring. With her crazy hospital schedule, time with our daughter, Anne, is always at a premium, and we jump whenever we can get it.

I returned with Chandler to find Marti and Anne fully engaged with a woman in a dress shop. They were aiding her in selecting an outfit as if they were store employees. Marti is like this. She always wants to see people do better. In this case, an outfit was going to do the woman some good, and selling it was obviously going to help the store owner.

You should have heard them … “No, you don’t want that. That makes you look too frumpy, and you have a nice figure. Here try this.”

“What do you think about this?” the woman asked, at first ignoring them and sticking to her own choices.

“Frumpy again. Here, try this on. You’ll look gorgeous in it.”

“Oh, I could never wear that.”

“Nonsense. Just try it.” Which she finally did, and when she came out and saw herself in the mirror, she was flush with her own beauty. Almost in tears. She’d been seeing herself one way. Marti and Anne saw something else.

As it turned out, this was the first time in weeks that she’d even been out of the house; she had been in such pain from an injury to her back that hadn’t healed properly. She even remarked that this whole experience, with Anne and Marti giving her so much attention, was the best she had felt in months.

That’s when we told her about the Catch, about all of you, and about our prayer team that prays 24/7 and would love to be praying for her. Then she did cry, hugged us all around. When she finally left, she was clutching the Catch website address on a business card tightly in one hand, and a shopping bag in the other, no longer frumpy.

I didn’t realize it right then, but later, it dawned on me that this was boots on the ground, grace turned outward, in a dress shop. It’s amazing what a little love and attention can do for someone. For this woman, it even relieved her of her physical pain. Marti and Anne saw something about her that she hadn’t seen, or believed, in a long time, maybe never.

This is what can happen when you stand in someone else’s shoes. Sometimes, you see what they see and it makes you compassionate; other times you see what they can’t see, and that can open their eyes to the beauty of who God made them to be.

I watched that happen yesterday, and it was a beautiful thing.

______________________________


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John & Marti … what to say, what to say? They are Christians, who are in a state of constant change for the better. They question God, receive answers, don’t receive answers, but continue to grow in their devotion to God. “They are a holy nation, a royal priesthood.” They are flawed, but Jesus covers that. They are down to earth individuals that have a passion for God, incredible talent, yet humble. Join them on OUR journey.

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Out beyond the ‘cool’ cathedral

th-13I understand why Marti is always asking that I stop avoiding conflict. How can I sing a new song of deliverance to those who have no hope if, at the same time, I insist on being comfortable among those who do?

She reminded me of my early Christian ministry when I was honored to be part of a movement where we sang songs of salvation. We were personally involved in ministries of mercy and issues of compassion and significance. We were taking on the voice of the prophets, penetrating into those aspects of our culture where the truth of God had a sure and true word for us. We articulated the vision of a radical kind of Christian discipleship. Our voices shined the light of God on the darkness of racism and war with a Christian conscience that awoke to the realities of poverty and corruption.

Many miracles occurred during that season. Yet sadly, few churches were ready for this new influx of voices, and so the movement happened without many participating or offering invitations of welcome. There was more freedom and a far more receptive audience outside the boundaries drawn by many churches.

Why were so many churches not ready? In my opinion, many of the churches were too cold to those both inside and out of its pews. One of my songs during this time, “The Cold Cathedral,” cried for spiritual reality in the midst of religious deadness, sameness, and a comfort-seeking isolation from the real needs of its people — inside and out.

While no longer cold, I fear many of our churches today are in similar places of complacency. Instead of cold cathedrals, we might refer to them as “cool” cathedrals. They want so much to be “cool” that relevancy could be considered our new god. Once again, we seem to reflect the concerns of the status quo, and the easy acceptance of a world where how we feel is the great crisis of our time. We’ve produce a massive industry of ready-to-wear discipleship to go with our warm, fuzzy, evangelical entertainment experience. We dress the way we want to dress, sing songs we want to sing, and hear messages we want to hear. Everything is catered to us insiders. It’s all about us and a short list of approved social issues and not the prophetic agenda of justice and compassion. We want more of Jesus as long as we can avoid both what is uncomfortable outside our walls and those who are hostile to religion.

It is time to stop avoiding conflict — stop dodging Jesus — for our more comfortable Christianity. Jesus is more “out” when it comes to our churches today than He is “in.” He was often all about conflict, and it certainly followed Him wherever He went.

It’s time to stop and listen to another new song Jesus is singing, and wants us to sing. It’s a new song of deliverance and hope as we apply the Gospel in a way that embodies suffering with the prophetic truth and challenges evil with sacrificial love. It’s a new song of reconciliation that causes those with no hope to hear, to run to Him and not away from Him, because acts of love are occurring and not just words.

“God so loved the world that He gave .…” It’s time for us to go and do the same.

______________________________

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Grace stepping out

th-8Inspired by “grace turned outward,” Colleen wrote:

“I can remember working in a cancer hospital, where a man lost part of his foot only to learn later they needed to remove more. His girlfriend abandoned him, and God put me in an awkward position. I showed up when his medication drip was not working. I do not like hugs, and this man grabbed my hand, hugged it, kissed it, and all I could do was be there for him in spite of my own feelings. Yes, Grace doesn’t just work on the inside, but grace reflects from the inside out, as you say, and I know this very well! Keep stepping forward and stepping out!”

1. Colleen found out some valuable things here. Often all we need in order to be used by God is to get ourselves to where the need is. The Holy Spirit in us is so eager to work that He will take over once we’ve overcome whatever barrier prevented us from stepping out.

2. Caring can be awkward and embarrassing. Someone hugging and kissing your hand could feel a little weird, but it’s genuine appreciation. Giving makes you as vulnerable as receiving.

3. Grace cannot be received in isolation; it is received so that it can be given out.

Pardon another baseball illustration, but it’s a coaching fact that catchers who can throw out runners trying to steal second base do so by learning that receiving the ball from the pitcher and throwing quickly down to second base can happen effectively only when it’s done with one fluid motion that does both receiving and throwing. It’s not a two-step process: receive the ball, and then throw the ball. It’s receiving and throwing all in one. I’ve seen catchers practice this over and over again in spring training, and the best catchers are the ones who have this down to a one-step process.

In fact, in Jesus’ teachings, receiving and giving cannot be separated. It’s one fluid motion. “… and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” The preposition “as” ties these two inextricably together. It’s a one-step process; you can’t have one without the other. Consequently, the reverse is also true: If I can’t forgive someone, that is a clear indication that I haven’t allowed myself to be forgiven. If I can’t love, it’s because I don’t believe I am loved. If I can’t give mercy, it means I haven’t received mercy, or at least I don’t believe it. If I’m wanting people to have to pay for their sins, it’s a clear indication that I think I’m still paying for mine.

Grace turned outward is an incredible joy. It’s a celebration of freedom and abandonment. “I can’t believe I get this; here, you get it too!” “If I’m forgiven, everyone’s forgiven!” “If I’m welcome, everyone’s welcome!” “If God can love me, I can love anybody.”

Thank you, Colleen, for showing us again what the Gospel of Welcome is really like.

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What’s different? Not much.

1356Jim and Shelly are homeless. Have been this way for over fifteen years. They’re married; they love each other, and want to be together, but that’s almost impossible on the street. For stretches of time they’ve been able to live off the street, though separate from each other, through community housing; Jim with the Salvation Army, and Shelly with a downtown women’s shelter. We met them through our work with the shelter and against the rules and the advice of most people who volunteer to help the homeless, we have established a relationship with them apart from either of these organizations. We send them money from time to time when things get desperate, and have rallied some of our friends to help donate a laptop for Jim to get his degree, and furniture for a small motel room they were able to rent for a few months.

Shelly struggles with severe depression (who wouldn’t in that environment?), alcoholism and drug abuse. Jim is schizophrenic. They’ve had jobs, but nothing steady. Jim wants to be a counselor for kids on the street, but he can’t get far enough away from the street himself to qualify.

People tell us we’re making a big mistake, saying they will never be anything but homeless, and we are pouring money down a drain. We defy that counsel, because we believe if we can make their lives a little better, even for a moment in time, it is still worth it. Of course, our goal is to get them off the street and together under one roof, and we did help them do that for a few months.

My first chance to meet Jim came when I rented a truck and took over a bed and some linens and furniture to help turn their motel room into something that might resemble a home. It was then that I was able to understand this sentence we’ve been focusing on these last few days…

If we could stand in someone else’s shoes and hear what they hear, see what they see, feel what they feel, wouldn’t we approach each other differently?

I approached them differently that day, when, after helping set up a bed, dresser, and a couple pictures on the wall, they were able to offer me some hospitality in their new home. In that setting it, was as if I was enjoying a few moments with any of my neighbors in our neighborhood. Jim proudly pointed out a few things he’d collected along the way. Shelly managed something that rarely crosses her face — a smile.

Sitting in their house that day was a real treat. Jim’s a talkative guy and I heard story after story, many of which made me laugh. We talked about our kids. We talked about the Lord. He dreamed of having Marti and me over for a barbecue. It was terribly normal.

But, in their shoes, I was also scared. How long would this last? If they couldn’t make a go of it, how much harder would it be to go back? Would I rather not have even known this?

The look on their faces showed me my answer. No. Hold onto this as long as we can. It’s worth it even if they have to go back out on the streets tomorrow. Sadly, it turned out to be not too much longer. A few weeks later the toilet broke. The landlord blamed them and charged them for the repairs. They couldn’t pay, and were evicted. We didn’t find out until after the fact. “We couldn’t ask you for that much,” they said. We wished they had. We would have figured out something.

So, as of this writing, they are back out on the streets. It hurts. Shelly called for laundry money the other day. On her birthday, we made sure they got a night in a hotel. We’ve entertained the thought of taking them in. Will it ever get any better than this? I hope so, but it doesn’t change anything if it doesn’t, because in the end they are just like us. There are no ultimatums here. I’m just as needy. I want for the same things.

Are we helping the homeless? Are we being philanthropic? Are we doing our civic duty? I don’t really know what any of that is. I just know we love Jim and Shelly, and they are hurting right now. We’re no different. We’re in the same boat, and just as desperate. They call us when they need something, and we make no judgment call. We call someone when we need something, and hope for the same from them. As far as I know, these are our friends. I expect to keep it that way.

Three things you can do today…

  1. “Did you know…?” Click here and listen to Marti and me on BlogTalkRadio last night talking about what you may not know about the Catch.
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A Message from McNair Wilson

th-9After the video, click on the button.

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Feel what they feel

If we could stand in someone else’s shoes and hear what they hear, see what they see, feel what they feel…

Bliss boutique, San Clemente, California

Bliss boutique, San Clemente, California

Over the weekend, in the sleepy little beach community of San Clemente, California, where my daughter lives, a man walked into one of the quaint little boutique stores that line two blocks of shops and restaurants on the main drag down to the beach, and amidst shoppers on a pleasant fall day, shot and killed the shop owner and himself. The two of them were in the midst of an ugly divorce that couldn’t possibly get any uglier. Ironically, the name of the store was Bliss.

Needless to say, Bliss is temporarily closed. Out in front there is a growing mound of flowers and candles that burn all night, along with a steady stream of people, many of them locals who knew the couple, who stand and stare in disbelief. You can only imagine the sense of helplessness and loss they are feeling.

On numerous occasions, when Jesus saw the crowds that were following Him, “he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd” (Matthew 9:36). Jesus was constantly empathizing with people. In fact, I believe that’s why the prophesy about the Messiah was that He would be a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. That would be the sorrow and grief of the people around Him. He so identified with them that He felt what they felt.

Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone; empathy is entering into their sorrow.

Jesus feels the sorrow and helplessness of the people on the corner of Victoria and Del Mar, staring helplessly into the windows of Bliss and wondering why. And He wants us to feel it too. It is through empathy that the Gospel of Welcome has its greatest chance of touching a person’s life. This is not just telling someone they need the Lord; it is standing in the shoes of that person and feeling their need for Christ and almost willing Him into their life. If you do this, you’re going to touch them with the love of Jesus; it’s inevitable.

Do you approach people differently when you have empathy for them? Yes. You approach them without judgment, without blame, without argument, without “I told you so,” and without fear or separation because you understand them, you can identify with them, and you can love them with the love of Jesus. If you feel what they feel, you are right next to them, and you will know what to do. If you’re feeling the same thing someone else is feeling, you will know what is appropriate to do for them and what is not. Sometimes the pain can be so deep that there is nothing you can do but sit with them in silence. If so, the Lord is in the silence. That’s the Gospel of Welcome.

We are in the middle of a membership campaign. We are looking for you to become regular contributors to the Catch by becoming a MemberPartner. This is not a nice-to-do. It’s not a convenience. It’s a necessity if the Catch is going to go forward, and we must move forward. To stay where we are is not an option. To find out more about a MemberPartnership — what it benefits you and what it entails — click on the video screen below to go to our contribution page. If you already are a member, write us and tell us why so we can encourage others with your story.

GTO SCREENSHOT

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See what they see

th-3If we could stand in someone else’s shoes and hear what they hear, see what they see…

Game 3 of this year’s World Series in San Francisco included a poignant moment with 45,000 fans, players, umpires, park personnel, and broadcast team all standing up and holding an “I Stand for ______” sign where they wrote in the name of someone they know who is currently battling cancer. Some on the field held up two. What made this moment so effective was the deafening silence from a crowd that moments before had been rockin’ and rollin’ for the Giants. It was powerful, sobering and personal.

slide #4It was a scene full of empathy, when if for only a moment, everyone tried to stand in the shoes of a cancer patient, who, like the man in our video, at some time had to find out that a doctor saw something on the diagnostic test of their body that didn’t belong there. Can we see what they see? The Gospel of Welcome says we can, and we must, if we are going to be welcoming anyone into the kingdom of God.

slide #10In another scene, two young people are texting their parents about how they are. One is okay; the other is not. To care for them is to learn how to see what they see. And how do you do that? How can you see what someone else sees? You do it through a relationship. You get to know someone. You ask lots of questions and really care about the answers. You get up close and personal with someone. You sit with them long enough to find out what’s in that phone. What are they seeing that is so important? What makes the news good or bad? The Gospel of Welcome is all about seeing what others see.

Of course to make this work, you have to make yourself less important. Our conversations need to be about others. Most people out of embarrassment or shame will try and get you to talk about yourself instead. If this should happen, don’t consider it an opportunity to seize the attention thereby revealing that this was what you were after all along, but turn the tables. Keep it focused on them. You will probably get an opportunity to talk sometime, but not now. Now it’s time to listen.

Here’s a little technique I learned from a seasoned interviewer about how to go deeper with someone. You pick something out of their story that you want to feature, and ask them to tell you more about that. Then find something in what they just said, and ask them to tell you more about that. If you keep doing this, it will seem as if you are peeling away at an onion (you are, complete with tears sometimes), and the more a person is willing to reveal, the more trust that will be built, and the deeper you can go. But you have to stand in their shoes and see what they see.

We are starting into the second week of our membership campaign in which we seek to add significantly to our number of MemberPartners who support us monthly via credit card deduction or automatic check issued monthly from their bank. We have a couple who do it the old fashioned way by writing us a check every month. However you do it, we need your regular commitment for the Catch to continue, and you will stand to benefit from the added access and resources that a membership provides. So click on the video screen below and you’ll be taken to our membership contribution page where you can be encouraged by our video on empathy, and find the appropriate level for your giving. Join us as a MemberPartner today!

th-4GTO SCREENSHOT

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Hear what they hear

If we could stand in someone else’s shoes and hear what they hear…

slide #5In our video, a man just heard he lost his job. Imagine hearing that, and you are a middle-aged man with a family to support, and you’ve had that job for 20 years, and it’s a job requiring very unique skills that you have learned and targeted to that specific situation, and there are no other jobs quite like that one out there. You specialized yourself right out of the job market that, of course, you never thought you would be in. You’re going to have to take a non-skilled job — or two — at non-skilled pay. Not to mention the humiliation. That’s what he’s feeling. Right now it’s just what he heard we’re thinking about, and it’s ringing in his head. If you could only hear what he hears…

slide #3The little boy, trailing behind in the video, has a learning difference. He’s smart, but he can’t access that smartness so that it connects with the language and math centers in his brain. He’s smart, but the tests won’t tell anyone that. He’s smart, but the intellectually disabled kids in the special ed group don’t know that. Won’t know that. Neither does he. He must be like them, he thinks. Why else would he be in this group? He’s smart, but all he knows is that he is behind. Way behind. If he can’t talk quite right, it’s because he can’t hear quite right, or maybe he can’t process what he hears. He hears it, but maybe to us it would sound like gibberish, or distortion, or like lots of words jumbled together. In a few years, he’ll be thinking trade school, or, if he’s really mad by then, criminal activity. What do most of the people in prison hear? Chances are they’ve never heard that they are smart, or talented, or bright, or good looking. What you hear can make or break who you are. If you could only hear what he hears…

What if she can’t hear anything? Could you stand inside those shoes? What would that be like? Can you only imagine? What if it’s a beautiful girl you fell in love with who can’t hear anything. If you really loved her, you would learn sign language in a heartbeat. But what if he wasn’t so beautiful, would you learn it anyway, because you see his beauty in other ways? If you could hear what the people around you hear every day (or don’t hear), it might break your heart. Knowing them as you do, imagine what the people in your life are hearing, and if you can’t imagine, ask them. Go on, ask them. Ask what they heard today that made them happy or sad. Imagine someone hearing they are a miserable failure every day. Even if it’s nothing, everyone’s hearing something. If you could only hear what she hears…

As bearers of the Gospel of Welcome, we want to learn to stand inside someone else’s shoes and hear what they hear. If you can’t even try to do that, or you don’t care, the gospel will not be very welcome. The gospel might even be hurtful or abusive. The gospel will be how we bring it, because we are the gospel to those who don’t know it. We have a pretty big responsibility.

Our responsibility at the Catch is to help you carry the Gospel of Welcome where you live and work and play. It’s what we are committed to doing, and we’re learning how to do it better all the time, and how to create better resources to help you be the Gospel of Welcome in your corner of the world. But that costs — especially when you are doing it full time, as we are. That’s why we are running a membership campaign right now. Becoming a MemberPartner will inspire you to be a better representation of the Gospel of Welcome; it will provide you with more contact with us, and more resources, and it will help us meet our expenses and grow into the future. Clicking on the video screen below will take you to our contribution page where you can see the video we are talking about and find an appropriate amount for you to commit monthly to the Catch. Or, if you prefer, at the bottom of that same page is a link to where you can make a one-time donation as well.

But whatever you do, step into the shoes of the people in your day today and ask God to help you hear what they hear. He’s very good at this kind of thing.

GTO SCREENSHOT

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Through each other’s eyes

slide #8Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?  – Henry David Thoreau

How much greater is the miracle that Mr. Thoreau was referring to when one considers that, during the instant of looking through someone else’s eyes, we are not looking through our own? The miracle is getting a break from ourselves — something we all need — some more than others. Believe me, the people around me would love to have a break from me, too.

Marti does this well. She’s always looking through the eyes of others. Me, I am more likely to epitomize the Bette Midler line from the movie, Beaches, “But enough about me; let’s talk about you. What do you think of me?”

Accordingly, Marti says I have a tendency to fill up a room — and most conversations — with myself. At least that’s what she says. I wouldn’t know because I’m so comfortable talking about me that I don’t notice we’re not talking about anyone else. It seems quite natural, true and right to be talking and thinking about me. It’s what I do. If I’m thinking about me, I’m sure you must be too.

Now I could say this is just one of the curses of being a performer (I’m writing this for my benefit, now), but that would be a cop-out. I can get out of myself just as easily as the next guy; the question is, Do I want to?

It’s like a friend of mine (who, incidentally, happens to be a performer, too), said in a hospital room when his wife, who was in labor, complained about being too cold, “Why? I’m not cold.”

Actually, it’s not the curse of being a performer, it’s the curse of being me. But there I go again, talking about me.

Lately, my neighbor has been giving me a run for my money. She’s the one who fell recently and has been requiring our assistance much more than usual. She’s a spinster who has lived by herself for 84 years; you can imagine she’s pretty used to her own company. Though she is known and appreciated in our town for years of selfless service in the community, at home, she’s pretty set in her ways.

Which explains the ridiculousness of us butting heads two days ago over the proper use of the remotes for her TV. She has a system that requires her to use both remotes every time she wants to turn her television on or off. Well, I thought I would simplify her life by showing her there was a way to set it up so she only needed one. Problem is, when I tried to show her this, she started insisting, very stubbornly, that she needed two. Suddenly, we lost the point of which way was easier, and it became an issue of who was right. That’s when I should have backed off and looked through her eyes, if only for an instant, and realized I was doing her a big disservice by insisting on being right. So I win this argument. By the next morning, when she wants to watch “Good Morning America,” she’ll probably be so disoriented over her remote controls that she won’t be able to turn her TV on at all.

As it turned out, I won the argument and felt awful. Her life is much simpler at this stage doing what she knows how to do, even if it takes an extra step. Had I looked through her eyes I would have understood that, and understood her better.

This is a small issue, but a big point. It takes a relationship to introduce the Gospel of Welcome, but I can’t have a relationship if I insist on being right all the time and looking only through my own eyes.

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