It’s all about relationships

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Irish singer Sinéad O’Connor died today; she was 56. Cause of death is uncertain at this point, but if you read anything about her life, you realize that life itself could have caused her death because her life was tragic. When you find someone like this,  you can’t help but feel compassion. She was abused by her parents, she had three children all from different fathers and never had a stable marriage. Her son committed suicide when he was 22. She struggled with mental illness and had a penchant for stealing things which led to eighteen months in an asylum. Her mother was killed in a car accident when she was eighteen which might have come as a relief due to the violent trauma she experienced from her mother’s hand. “Our family is very messed up. We can’t communicate with each other. We are all in agony. I for one am in agony.”

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Joining the digital age

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The trend continues. Today’s paper announces the death of a Pulitzer Prize-winning newspaper from Santa Barbara, The Santa Barbara News-Press. After 150 years they are shutting their doors. And this is after going totally digital. They just couldn’t make the transition. 150-year tradition — bye-bye.

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Not in your newspaper anymore

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It’s official. It’s been going on for a week now so I guess it’s a permanent change. The Los Angeles Times is no longer carrying a sports page. Oh they still have a sports section, but as far as baseball is concerned, no reporting of the previous day’s games — no box scores, standings, game summaries, schedules, and nothing about today’s games (who are they playing, who’s pitching). And this is the big change — nothing about the previous day’s game for either the Dodgers or the Angels. I can read the entire sports section and not find anything about who won yesterday’s game or anything about the game. What gives?

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Sometimes messy; always real

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Last weekend I delivered the Sunday morning message at Calvary Chapel, San Clemente, California. My wife raved about it and suggested that I should turn it into a Catch. That presented a bit of a problem, however, in that the message was a 45-minute condensation of material that usually takes me a weekend with four talks to cover. I’ve even stretched it into a 12-week series before.

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Not done yet

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The first 25 years of my Christian life I thought my great message to the world was supposed to be how bad I was before I became a Christian compared to how good I am now. This was kind of hard for me, though, in that I became a Christian when I was five. A life of smoking, sleeping around, taking drugs and getting drunk is a little tough to pull off when you are four. Not to mention partying, going to movies, playing cards, and dancing. I was a regular four-year-old hell-raiser. I probably wouldn’t have lived to be six if Jesus hadn’t gotten a hold of me. See how silly this is?

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Messy Christianity

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If your version of the Christian life has you pleased with your performance and fulfilling most of your spiritual expectations, there may be a chance that you are following the wrong one. That’s right. Beware of systems or even patterns of thinking that resolve most questions, make controversial issues black and white, or smooth out all the bumps in the road for you. Such careful organization of the Christian life is more akin to what the Pharisees had going for them than the disciples of Christ. For the Pharisees, everything in their religious bag was neat and tidy. There were no ambiguities, no doubts, no discussions necessary; everything was meticulously spelled out for them.

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Because we can…

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Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14

Paul’s point is that we are to deliberately put on the qualities of life: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience and forgiveness. The reason, of course, is because we can. As born-again Christians, these qualities of life reside within us.

The self-centeredness is to be put away (the ‘used to be’ or ‘old’ person) so we can respond to the appeals to be what God has now made us to be. So, first thing in the morning, put away the self-oriented stuff and deliberately put on the following seven qualities that reflect the life of Jesus that dwells within us. Because you can.

Compassion

“Clothe ourselves with compassion.” Clothe ourselves with a heart of empathy with everyone we meet throughout the day. Approach life with compassion; that is what Paul is saying. Put it on when we get up in the morning. You are a new man, or new woman; so therefore live that way.

Kindness

Kindness is action that reveals compassion, action that arises out of a sense of empathy. It can take many different forms — a smile, a kind word, a pat on the shoulder, an invitation to lunch, an offer of help. We are to put on compassion and kindness as we start our day and throughout the day.

Humility

John Stott references humility as “the rarest and fairest of all Christian virtues.” He references humility as the highest because it is the exact opposite of the worst of sins, which is pride. Thus, we are to put on humility. We are not to consider ourselves in any way as superior to others. Someone once said that we are to remember that “all of us are made in the same mold, only some are moldier than others!” And that, of course, would be you and me.

Gentleness

Gentleness is strength under control. It by no means references weakness. It is real strength, but it does not have to display itself or show off how strong it is. It is a willingness to waive one’s rights or set aside our rights. Gentleness is a willingness to suffer loss vesus demanding what we deserve. Gentleness is the exact opposite of rudeness and abrasiveness.

Patience

Patience means long-suffering — the enduring of another’s exasperating conduct without flying into a rage. It is holding back, restraining yourself from becoming upset or speaking sharply or at an ear-piercing pitch to somebody whose conduct you find difficult and exasperating.

Forbearance

Forbearance is linked with Patience and means to uphold and support someone. Not only to restrain ourselves as in Patience but to support others, encourage them and sustain them.

Forgiveness

The last quality is forgiving whatever grievances we may have against one another. “Forgive as the Lord forgave us.” It is important to recognize that we are still asked to privately air a grievance or tell someone of an injustice or unfairness we see. But, having done that, we are to forgive and forget the unkind thoughts, the blasphemous attitudes, the grievous, and hurtful sins as Christ has forgiven us for far graver sins. As those who are forgiven ourselves, we are not to bring up to the person whom we have forgiven the thing we forgave. We are to treat them as though it did not happen. We are not to constantly harass him or her with reminders of the evil things done in the past.

The second thing forgiveness means is that we do not tell anybody else about the matter that is forgiven. We do not gossip about it to others. We can do that because we ourselves have been forgiven. Then the third thing forgiveness means is: we do not remind ourselves of what has been forgiven! Even in our private thoughts we never allow the offense to come up and to color our attitude toward the one we have forgiven. We are not to allow it to awaken feelings of resentment and unfairness and play it all over again. Forgiveness means to put it aside even to ourselves because that is what Christ has done for us.

Then, having given us these seven beautiful qualities, the apostle tells us to wrap it all around with the bond of love: “over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Someone has said it this way: “Put on the overcoat of love.” This, of course, is that quality of acceptance of others because we are a new person ourselves. We are no longer the old person we once were. We are a new person with these beautiful, God-given attributes. Why? Because we can.

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The beginnings of Grace

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by Marti Fischer

Have you ever wondered in your tragedy and heartbreak how unconcerned some people can be, going about their own business, unaware of your calamity? You are not alone. Many who are without substance, weak in bodily strength, and despondent in spirit are mostly avoided and sometimes even scorned by others. May Grace be upon the indifference of those who walk by.

Yet as disconcerting and detaching as indifference can be, we who have experienced the Lord’s Grace within our own misery, can with empathy — because of our own unresolved concerns — undertake the needs of the weak, and turn our hearts seriously to the promotion of their welfare. Many of us find ourselves inquiring into their sorrows for the first time, and several of us are sifting out their needs, and finding the best ways to aid in their relief.

Think of yourselves as the beginnings of Grace to many.

First and foremost, and far above all of our pain put together, it is because Jesus cared for us that we care for members of His creation. He executed the wonderful work of Grace by which we are redeemed from the destruction we create. Our miserableness calls forth His Grace! His Grace is always in the present tense.

We receive Grace first through being pardoned from our sin, and, knowing we are forgiven, we then have regard for those in a similar predicament. The forgiven sinner acts for the good of others by exercising kindness and compassion, manifested in helping and taking care of the weak.

And who is that? It’s an anxious parent concerned for her daughters lifestyle; a young boy who’s never had enough fathering; a single mother whose worries have washed her hope away; a young person who lives on the Internet and is suspicious of those who come alongside seeking a personal relationship; an old man who inhabits his bleak world alone; a needy soul outside our own front door — all right in front of us.

Days of trouble come even to the most caring, and those who make the wisest provision for rainy days are those who have lent shelter to others when times were better with them. The promise is not that the compassionate person will not have trouble, but that they will be protected in their trouble, and in due time brought out of it.

How true this is of Jesus. Never was the trouble deeper nor the triumph brighter than for Him, and glory be to His name. He secured the ultimate victory for all His blood-bought ones — you and me.

In your suffering, He will comfort you and you too will be lifted up. If you haven’t already, find the joy of doing good, the sweet reaction of another’s happiness, and the approving smile of heaven upon the heart. Recognize the marks of woe in the grocery clerk’s face; the drab, cheerless effort of an executive; the weary wrinkles and the downcast eyes of a waitress. Hear the deep sorrow in the mumbled response to a query, “How are you?” and do not turn away.  You may not have much to give, but what you have, give it with compassion and understanding.

We are the beginnings of Grace to many and must encourage each other to pray for the Lord’s completion of His Grace for each one.

John Newton said on one occasion, “If, as I go home, a child has dropped a halfpenny, and if, by giving another, I can wipe away its tears, I feel I have done something. I should be glad to do greater things, but I will not neglect this.”

Nor will we.

Blessed are those who have regard for the weak;

the Lord delivers them in times of trouble. (Psalm 41:1).

And pray that Grace overcomes the indifference in our selfishness, and that of those around us.

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The Understanderers

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Robert from Seattle sent us a comic strip he saw over the weekend that made him wonder if the author had seen our weekend Catch about empathy that included our video revealing the inner thoughts and worries of a person as a lesson in empathy. Like someone just found out the tests were positive, or someone’s missing their mother who is 6,000 miles away, or a woman who just found out her son was called up to go into combat — things you wouldn’t know if you met them on the street. Only in the comic strip, the inner thoughts were revealed by a magic box you could set in front of someone, press a button, and it would reveal their inner turmoil. The box was called: “The Understanderer.”

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Exercising Empathy

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Empathy is stepping inside someone else’s shoes in order to gain an understanding of what that person is seeing. Empathy allows us to discover the world through that person’s eyes. As though looking through a new lens, empathy widens our perspective — widens, because we are no longer working with just our opinions and justifications but incorporating true and meaningful feelings and insights. Empathy is a process of connecting one person to another.

This connecting challenges our conventional boundaries. Our rules are reinvented from law through grace, which turns our life up-side-down.  Our weaknesses are no longer pitiful but good and welcomed.  Seeing through another lens provides for a different perspective of the same thing, which widens our understanding. We open up instead of close down.

Stepping into the shoes of another is not a technique but an opportunity to discreetly probe another’s heart and mind. These new understandings might uncover hidden truths that may have been hidden from us or, sometimes, because of us.  Now in plain view, these true understandings reflect back to us as if through a mirror.

When we employ empathy, our discovery can even bring us closer to the heart of Christ.  This is because the Lord often permits us to step into His shoes to see someone the way He sees him, causing everyone to be extraordinary.

Empathy challenges our conventional boundaries and literally reinvents the rules from law through grace. Empathy turns us up-side-down so that our weakness is no longer pitiful but good and welcomed.  Empathy can wipe a slate clean.  Empathy cancels old assumptions to make room for new truths.  Empathy always reveals. Empathy invariably makes way for the Lord.

Click here for a video that will inspire you to empathize with those around you this weekend.

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