So I think I’m going to need some help from you, or some sympathy — I can’t decide which — maybe both, but Marti has discovered she can program songs into her phone for various signals and notifications. So now her phone rings to the theme from the Pirates of the Caribbean 3; or if it’s a text, it will be “Tonight’s gonna be a good night” (I’m really sick of that one); and then for general alarms (such as first thing in the morning) there is Katy Perry singing “You’re gonna hear me ROAR!” (How would you like to wake up to that every morning?); oh yes, and then there’s Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major for I don’t know what, and a Glockenspiel version of the “Carol of the Bells” which (yes) plays year round. See what I mean? Tell me, how long could you live with this?

I try to tell her that a cell phone is not just a private tool; she is subjecting whoever is around her (usually me) to this endless barrage of songs that don’t matter, and no variety. Just the same tunes over and over again. So I’ve decided to go public with this. Some of you know Marti well enough. Maybe you can speak to her about this, give her some new suggestions, or educate her about the other sounds built into smart phones that are a little more tolerable over time.

For instance, how about a simple “Ding!” for a text? Seriously, a whole group of texts coming in all at once can go: “Tonight’s gonna be-“ “Tonight’s gonna-“ “Tonight’s-“ “Tonight’s gonna be-“ “Tonight’s gon-“ “Tonight’s gonna be…” Aargh! (Charlie Brown would agree with me.)

So what do I do? Learn to live with this? That’s what I’ve done so far. Maybe we chalk this up to love and acceptance. I know there are a good share of things about me that annoy her that she has to put up with. I write at the dining room table and post in the living room. “That’s not your office,” she says. No, but my office is cold and uninviting. Then she doesn’t like me wearing my Ugg boots in the house, but I tell her they are basically slippers, not boots. So you see, I have a reason for everything, so she must have a reason she likes all those tunes interrupting her day.

But maybe there’s more to this. Maybe there’s more than just tolerating each other; maybe it’s about embracing each other — embracing even what we don’t like about the other person, especially when it’s nothing you can, or need to, do anything about. Something wrong or hurtful, that’s one thing, but something that has to do with personal preference or style — learn to embrace it. That’s part of who someone is. In fact, that’s what gives them character. Marti wants to wake up to Katy Perry’s “ROAR”; well let her do that, and enjoy it at the same time. Don’t just tolerate one another; embrace each other.

Relationships force us to face things about ourselves that we may not want to face. In the beginning of this Catch I tried to solicit your help in changing Marti, but that was just so I didn’t have to change. I could get what I wanted without having to alter myself, or in the case of something much deeper than just cellphone signals — to have to face into conflict and embrace the change I need to make. That’s when this little metaphor takes on deeper significance.

And God forbid I should outlive my wife, but should that happen, what is the first thing I’m going to miss, and wish I had back? You guessed it … Katy Perry’s “ROAR.”

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