Robert from Seattle sent us a comic strip he saw over the weekend that made him wonder if the author had seen our weekend Catch about empathy that included our video revealing the inner thoughts and worries of a person as a lesson in empathy. Like someone just found out the tests were positive, or someone’s missing their mother who is 6,000 miles away, or a woman who just found out her son was called up to go into combat — things you wouldn’t know if you met them on the street. Only in the comic strip, the inner thoughts were revealed by a magic box you could set in front of someone, press a button, and it would reveal their inner turmoil. The box was called: “The Understanderer.”

“The Undestanderer” is just what you and I are to be in another person’s life in order to empathize with them. Not that we pry into their life, but we get close enough to them to learn what’s really going on in their thoughts and feelings. This does not happen overnight. We don’t have a little box that will do this for us. It requires a period of time spent with someone that builds trust, shows care and proves you have only their best interests in mind. There is a name for this — this opportunity that reveals openness, honesty, and trust. It’s called a RELATIONSHIP! You and I need be Understanderers if we are going to embrace the journey and be uniting for a gospel of welcome, and it will only happen through relationships.

A real relationship is not a means to an end. It is the end. It is the point. We are not manipulators, proselytizers, or even evangelists as if someone’s salvation was our ultimate goal. We are those who come alongside. We are empathizers, Understanderers, friends.

If I sound like I know what I’m talking about, that is only my pride and intellect speaking. There’s a huge difference between knowing something and acting on it. We are on this journey together. I have much to learn. I know more intellectually than I know experientially. I have way more in my head than in my heart.

I am on a road trip with my son, Chandler, right now, and I’m constantly struggling between what I want to get across to him, and understanding who he is and what he is thinking and feeling. This is really a factor of who do I care about most. Do I care about myself, or do I care about him? Can I climb inside his head — stand in his shoes? Do I know what is important to him? Do I know about his hopes and dreams — his fears and anxieties? When we talk, who am I listening to? Am I listening to him or am I listening to me formulating my next comment?

There is no substitute for a real relationship, and a relationship requires us to be Understanderers. And there is no magic box to do this; there is only you and me. We are the Understanderers.

Finally, having said all this, Marti wants me to point out that understanding isn’t the end of the matter, we must do something about it. When you step into the shoes of another, you experience the pain they are living. You hurt as much as they do. You see more than you want to. You hear the voices in their head and it breaks your heart. Understanding is the introduction to how you serve with compassion. Compassion is impossible to embrace without empathy. Jesus didn’t have instant compassion for us. He first had to walk in our shoes. Why would He have died for us if He didn’t first have empathy? Isn’t that why the father send Him to us?  To walk with us? Talk with us? See us? Touch us? Listen to us, and finally, die for us? Don’t you think He would have rather stayed happily with the Father, merely understanding us?