Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
In the 1983 movie, “Mr. Mom,” Jack (Michael Keaton) losses his job requiring him to take over staying at home with the kids while his wife (Terry Garr) goes back to work. In a touching scene, Jack has to talk their son, Kenny, into giving up his whoopee blanket. When I think of this scene, it always reminds me of Step 3, when we all must turn over to the care of the Lord whatever we used as our own security blanket, whether it’s alcohol, drugs, sex, power, money or something else. Jack even warned Kenny that pretty soon he would be out on the street trying to score a quilt or an electric blanket and before you know it, he’ll be strung out on bedspreads!
It’s all about control, isn’t it? So far I have been in control of my own life and I have already admitted that I have been doing a lousy job of it. It’s my own control that has gotten me into the addictions I rely on because I’m not meeting my own expectations. Whatever I am addicted to is what helps me cope with what I can’t manage. It’s the way we maintain a facade of adequacy.
My addiction is whatever makes me feel strong when in fact I am weak and miserable, tired and alone. I don’t have enough fingers to plug all the holes in my life. My addiction is the way I cope with this discrepancy and the false sense of control I hide behind.
The thing that has gotten me in the door of the twelve step program is the realization that this pattern of control and cover-up I just described is hurting me and those around me, yet in spite of knowing that, I refuse to face into any of it; I’ve always managed this way and I’m going to continue to manage this way regardless. Like a child with his whoopee blanket, I’m going to hold onto this addictive pattern of mismanagement as long as I possibly can.
But alas, I’m here. Not sure how I got here, but I’m here, sitting in this imaginary twelve step meeting shining light into the dark, cluttered parts of my life that need attention.
Here is where I have to issue a disclaimer to all who are reading this right now. I am attempting to describe the inner workings of a program that you may not have signed up for. You may think this is not relevant to you because you are not an alcoholic, but I challenge you to reread the last paragraph and see if there is something you can identify in your life — some false sense of adequacy that you rely on instead of stepping into the light of God and becoming vulnerable. Maybe you belong here after all. I’m beginning to realize that I do. I invite you to come along for the ride for the sake of what you might learn about yourself. If anything, it will make you more grateful to the Lord for all He has done for you.
This brings us to Step 3 where we are willing to step out of the darkness and into the light. We are willing to admit to ourselves and others these games we play, and turn our lives over to God. We want to be done with all this manipulation and make ourselves totally vulnerable to the Lord.
This is the scary part. This is giving up the whoopee blanket and not knowing what comes next except that we want God to be in control instead of us. We can do this because God has given us the faith to believe He is there and He knows what is best for us. This step is scary, but terribly freeing. We are giving up control and the false sense of adequacy our addictions gave us in exchange for a new freedom. We are letting go. We are pulling all our fingers out of the holes in our lives and proclaiming our dependence on God for the next steps.
We are also prying our fingers away from the whoopee blanket and giving it up for good. In the movie, when Kenny gave up his blanket, Jack says, “You’ve got a lot of guts, kid.” But Kenny wasn’t that impressed. He just asked, “Can I have a moment to myself, please.” Wouldn’t we do the same?
