by Doug Stevens

How do we move from “Us versus Them,” locked in suspicion, alienation and antagonism? To “Us and Them,” still kept separate as a way to manage the incompatibility, discomfort and conflict? And finally, if we care and if we dare, to “Us with Them,” as together we become a divinely-appointed, humanly-bonded, graciously engaged, delightfully diverse, brand new “Us”?!

This is the age-old conundrum. Easy to be resigned, to be cynical, to fall into indifference. And yet there is hope. How does this happen? How is it possible? What can we do?

Here are the moves we have to make, the mindset we must embrace, the spirit and conviction we will radiate if we do.

Gratitude

Gratitude is the essential perspective. Life is a gift. Revel in the beauty and abundance of God’s creation. Everything you need, God provides. Every hurt you hide, God can heal. Everything wrong you have done, God in Christ forgives. Every fear you have, God resolves with his reassuring presence and restorative promises. You are offered comfort for every sadness, compensation for every loss. Every challenge you face can be met with the strength that God gives. Be overwhelmed by the recognition that God loves you, loves your family, loves your community, loves this world (including all those who are neighbors, strangers and even enemies to you). Your life has value and purpose here and now, and solid hope with the defeat of death in the resurrection to come. Live then from a baseline of gratitude, live joy-driven. This is the foundation of reconciliation. Otherwise, you don’t have the right heart that is ready to take this rewarding leap of faith.

Humility

Humility is the platform for a liberating self-awareness and the entrée into healthy relationships. Cultivating gratitude leads to humility. Humility inspires honesty, transparency and vulnerability … and then confidence, poise and courage. Everything you have, you have received. You are convinced that God’s goodness is more than enough. So, there is no reason to be arrogant, and no right to feel worthless, insecure or resentful. No need to dominate or intimidate, no need to prove yourself or be held hostage to the criticism of others, no need to retreat or despair, and no need to default to defensiveness.

You are free to own the truth of your troubles and recognize the hardship of others, and count on the help God will send. Because of God’s blessing, you are willing to submit to God’s authority and design. You are ready to respond to God’s call to consider others, their concerns, their well-being. To be others-focused. You are above no one, better than no one, beneath no one, the same as others in so many ways, not afraid of anyone, and not obligated to anyone except as God guides and equips you to serve them out of love.

Empathy

Humility facilitates empathy. Empathy creates connection and rapport. Life is not a competition, a zero-sum game. You are not choosing sides — except to recognize and reach toward, favor and invest in another person made in the image of God and redeemed by Christ, to become their companion, secure enough to be completely present, interested, able to listen, to learn about them and their experience. You are so secure that you are free to release judgments and agendas. You are able to build bridges of acceptance and understanding. You are free to affirm the person, their pain, their dreams, their struggles, their questions, their virtues and talents and potential without any compulsion to correct or approve the details of their story. You identify with them, as much as you can. You stand with them in their current condition, cognizant of their background while leaning into a hope for transformation and a better future.

Advocacy

Empathy is necessary, but not sufficient. Empathy must ultimately upgrade to advocacy, to action. Advocacy literally means to “add a voice”. You will echo God’s commitment and command to love, to lift, to defend and protect, to recover and renew, to advance and fulfill God’s plan for the person (for the people) you are now claiming as a friend. You will not only stand with them but walk with them. You will support them, plead their case and champion their just cause. You will take risks and make sacrifices to underwrite your devotion. You will even confront them because you care — when the truth and their welfare require it, and because you have earned their trust. You will go the distance, you will cross barriers, you will lay down your reputation, your privilege, your life.