So far we’ve discovered that empathy is walking a mile in someone else’s shoes — to see the world as they see it, and feel their situation as they feel it. And if this person is important to you, then the things they see and feel will be important to you as well. And it requires you to get out of your own shoes in order to get into theirs, and that’s an important step that we often miss.
So in this look at empathy, let’s leave our own shoes at the door and climb into Marti Fischer’s shoes and find out what’s important to her.
The first thing you notice is that her shoes are difficult to walk in because they have high heels. Your toes are always going downhill and end up bunched up in the toe of the shoe. It’s a pain she’s willing to endure. Why?
Because she always dresses up (she has one pair of jeans and the last time she wore them was years ago when she went skydiving), and she does this because she always wants to present her best self, and she does that because people deserve it. Actually, pretty much everything deserves your best. “Anything worth doing is worth doing well,” is her mantra. It’s a guiding principle.
She wants things and property maintained — broken things fixed. Everything has a place, and it belongs there. And whenever we leave the house, of course the beds have to be made, and everything straight, because if there is a fire, the firemen will think she’s not a good housekeeper.
Marti wants the country respected in everything from paying taxes to honoring veterans. She wants bills paid on time because people deserve their money in a timely manner. She wants everyone treated with dignity from the least to the greatest. Actually, there are no “least of these” because they are all equally important to her.
Inside Marti’s shoes, guests are royalty and should be treated as such even if they don’t care. Workers who come to repair things get offered something to drink, which means I have to take care of this when she’s not here, and I inevitably have to give away the last two Cokes, which I hate doing. Hors d’oeuvres are important when entertaining guests because they make more time for talking over food which is the whole point. Food is only valuable in that it brings people together. It’s the relationships that count. She hardly eats anything when we entertain because she spends all her time and energy on the people. (She’s always hungry after everyone’s gone.)
Marti’s greatest source of joy is her children. Hands down. She will stop everything to pay attention to them. I can come and interrupt her work and I have to calculate the importance of the interruption because she will undoubtedly bite my ear off in the exchange. Five minutes later, however, Chandler can walk in and the presses stop. “Stop everything! Chandler wants to talk!” A phone call from Anne or Christopher? Same thing. And her grandchildren? That’s off the charts. We are required to take a gift for them every time we see them because it’s such fun to surprise them. That’s when Marti’s shoes come off and she’s down on the floor with Jackson and Joci.
But most important of all, it’s a requirement for Marti that everyone hears about Jesus. That’s everyone on the planet. That’s because God’s verse to her, personally, shortly after becoming a Christian, was the call to preach the gospel to every creature. That’s what it says: “every creature,” without qualification. There’s just no wiggle room there at all.
This, of course, is not a complete list, but it is some of what you see and feel when you stand in Marti’s shoes. It’s the same for everyone, and the deeper you go, the more chance you have of finding need and pain. This, too, needs to be cared for.
Now this is the same process by which we care for anyone. Take your shoes off and stand inside their shoes long enough to find out what they care about, and then feel that, and care about it, too. Finally, we need to figure out what we can do to further the things that are important to them.
Marti is a treasure. She’s a wealth of understanding and insight. She is a dynamo. God had to rest after He made her. The Energizer Bunny runs out before she’s even warmed up. She has vision. She can see farther than you can. You have much to learn from her if you were in her shoes. Hit reply to this email and send us a request. We can set up a zoom call or better yet, come to southern California and walk along with her. Her children gave her a pair of sneakers last Christmas waiting to be tried out. You could get her in those shoes and find out stuff that none of us who think we know her, know.
What makes Marti go? That’s for me to know and you to find out.
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John & Marti
